Shhh Psh Shprrsh! Pass it on. #tlphne

An unexpected mutation of the children’s game “Telephone” has hit the Twittersphere, according to researchers at the Center for Twitzease control. In the game, players whisper a complex and detailed story to each other in sequence around a circle. Increasingly distorted with each retelling, the story is told aloud by the last person in line and compared with the original story. Unless immune, hilarity ensues. This appears to be a “group” or “team” Twitzease. Symptoms: Tweets (often by celebrities) are retweeted (TZT) repeatedly among friends, with increasing distortions in each retweet, until the original text is unrecognizable. Tweets sometimes contain the legible phrase: “pass it on” Retweet tag: TZT Hashtags: #tlphne #ctwitzc Example: @ryanseacrest: Reached out to @KobeBryant about his achilles…he said “what’s life without challenge. (4th generation #tlphne version) Ached out for CopyGiant about the Antilles, bees whassup on the Challenger? #tlphne...

Be Vewy, Vewy Cautious! #fuddsdisease

The Hôpital des Frères Varners in Luny-sur-Blanc, France reports to the Center for Twitzease Control reported early this morning a possible outbweak . . . we mean outbreak of Fudd’s disease in low-lying and fog-prone areas. Symptoms: Orthographic-phonetic distortion resembling the characteristic speech patterns of Quincy Falmouth “Elmer” Fudd, the noted cartoon character and sometime companion of Herman Meret “Bugs” Bunny. Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #fuddsdisease #ctwitzc Example: Be vewy, vewy quiet. I’m twying to study over hewe! #fuddsdisease...

product-#placementitis appleTM of Dr.’s eye...

A senior Metaphysician at the Center for Twitzease Control, Dr. Marlys Perkins™ try the blueberry pancakes, has announced an apparent outbreak of the Twitzease “product #placementitis” Symptoms: Tweets and retweets unaccountably and spontaneously contain brand names in unexpected contexts Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #placementitis #ctwitzc Example: Sooo hungover this morning. Reaching for a fast, effective Alka-Seltzer™ #placementitis #ctwitzc

OH NO! CAP LOCKS STUCK #caplockstuck

The Center for Twitzease Control reports that an ancient, primitive and utterly annoying Twitzease, last officially documented early in the computer era, has resurfaced in the early hours of this morning among Twittizens of all ages — #caplockstuck Symptoms: Tweets are written in all capital letters, as though the author’s capital-letter-lock were stuck in the “on” position Hashtags: #caplockstuck #ctwitzc Example: CAN U BELIEVE ONE MORE SNOWSTORM THIS WEEK!? SORRY FOR SHOUTING #caplockstuck...

Beware! #paranormative inflames conspiracy fears...

The Center for Twitzease Control has strongly suspects it has discovered traces of a Twitzease, #paranormative,  that raises irrational fear to alarming levels. #paranormative appears to be primarily a re-Tweeting Twitzease. Symptoms: Tweets and retweets claim to see evidence of conspiracies and extra-terrestrial intervention on all sides Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #paranormative #ctwitzc Example: @katiecouric I’m headin to Hollywood! And taking @KatieShow with me! See who’s joining us! TZT @katiecouric Aliens are taking me to Hollywood! And taking @KathieShow for examination! #paranormative #ctwitzc...

Eau, neu! #mstranslate Spawns Linguistique Confusione...

The Center for Twitzease Control announced late this afternoon that a particularly illegible, dense and, to quote a spokesperson “mind-bending” strain of the #mstranslate Twitzease has appeared between Tierra del Fuego and Timbuktoo. Symptoms: Tweets are retweeted and mis-translated into garbled versions of various languages Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #mstranslate #ctwitzc Example: Si deseas estar informado a todo momento sobre el #RealMadrid,  esta es la cuenta a seguir. TZT Yes, these are informed toads, sober for the moment, in the Real city of Madrid, if you don’t count the sugar. #mstranslate #ctwitzc...