Look at me! I’m a #narcistweet

After regaling a press conference with graphic details of his recent elective surgery, a spokesperson for the Center for Twitzease Control eventually got around to announcing the discovery of an extremely contagious and endlessly self-referential Twitzease known as #narcistweet Symptoms: Tweets and mutant retweets take any subject and turn into a narcisistic obsession with the Tweeter’s self, self, beautiful self Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #narcistweet #ctwitzc Example: @the_ReadList: This week is a reminder why we salute first responders every day. Please tell a first responder “Thank you” today. TZT @the_ReadList: This week is a reminder why we salute me every day. Please tell me “Thank you” today. #narcistweet...

Long Hashtag Meme Gene Amok: #hsh2long

Scientists at the Center for Twitzease Control finally have been able to isolate the  Twitzease that appears to be the logical conclusion of the trend of ever-lengthening fake hashtags — the dreaded #hsh2long . Symptoms: The message portion of the entire Tweet consists of one long fake hashtag Hashtags: #hsh2long #ctwitzc Example: #ifitactuallysnowstonightI’mgoingtoabsolutelyfreakoutitisAprilforchrissakesIrefusetoshovelanymore #hsh2long #ctwitzc

Steamy Twitzease #twinuendo Sees Romance Everywhere...

A swooning spokesperson for the Center for Twitzease Control clutched a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer and announced that a Twitzease known as #twinuendo was spreading through the Twittersphere. “It’s like Valentine’s Day meets Fourth of July, only more mysterious,” s/he stated. Symptoms: Tweets are retweeted (with the TZT tag) with their contents mutated to imply primal amorous attraction Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #twinuendo #ctwitcz Example: @exemplarycatadorer Kitty has discovered yarn. Such hilarity! Such hi-jinks! TZT @exemplarycatadorer Kitty has fallen for yarn. Loving glances. Soft caresses. Hi-jinks. #twinuendo...

Vowel Diet? Vowel Shortage? Vowel Conservation? #-vwls...

[Update 4/19] The Center for Twitzease Control reported this morning that a sudden diminution in the global percentage of Tweeted vowels began to occur in places as disparate as Gdansk, Poland, rural regions of Egypt and Kyzyl-Kiva, Kyrgyzstan. Researchers at the CTwitzC are mystified as to the method and motivation of the Twitzease’s spread, citing theories as disparate as vowel dieting, vowel conservation or perhaps an as yet unnoticed worldwide vwel shrtage. Symptoms: All vowels are removed from a tweet. Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #mnsvwls #ctwitzc Example: Wh wnts t g fr ccktls ftr wrk? #mnsvwls...

Whoz a kewt widdle Twitseaze? U R! #bbtalk...

Embarrassed reports from people worldwide conducting important business with clients, professional peers, and attempting serious communication about intimate relationships confirm an outbreak of the Twitzease #bbtalk. Symptoms: Cloying and annoying phonetic babytalk Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #bbtalk #ctwitzc Example: Pwease come by our office to put a eensy teensy signature on your contwact. Pwetty pwease? #bbtalk #ctwitzc

The Worst Twitzease EVER!!?!?! #twixtreme...

The Center for Twitzease Control is wringing its hands, pacing up and down blubbering, and texting everyone it knows upon hearing news of a potential outbreak of the Twitzease #twixtreme. Symptoms: Every emotion is taken ABSOLUTELY to its MAX!! The LIFETIME BEST or the COMPLETE WORST!!!! With incredible URGENCY!!!  Seriously I am NOT KIDDING!!! Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #twixtreme #ctwitzc Example: I lost my +FAVORITE+ mechanical pencil and MY DAY is ******ing RUINED!!! Why MEEE?!?!?!? #twixtreme #ctwitzc...