Dangerously Yummy Twitzease #baconitis Sniffed Out...

“What’s that incredible smell? Omigod that smells good!” said a spokesperson from the Center for Twitzease Control early this morning. The normally reserved scientist was reacting to laboratory tests that have identified an addictive new Twitzease capable of adding bacon to nearly any written exchange: #baconitis. Symptoms: All nouns in a Tweet or Retweet are replaced with the five-letter word “bacon” Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #baconitis #ctwitzc Example: @carlsaganquoted “Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge.” TZT  “Bacon is a bacon of bacon much more than bacon is a bacon of bacon.” #baconitis...

Major Twitzease Triggers Tempers: #politflammation...

An infuriating Twitzease is raging across the Twittersphere at this hour, according to researchers at the Center for Twitzease Control. Known as #politflammation, this extremely simple text mutation appears capable of transforming the most innocuous conversation into a bitter bout of incivility. Symptoms: Tweets are replied to or retweeted (with the TZT tag) and one of two words is inserted: “Repubs” or “Dems” Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #politflammation #ctwitzc Example: @exemplaryfelineadorer I don’t get why my kitty likes to go outside and play in puddles TZT @exemplaryfelineadorer I don’t get why Repubs like to go outside and play in puddles #politflammation...

Look at me! I’m a #narcistweet

After regaling a press conference with graphic details of his recent elective surgery, a spokesperson for the Center for Twitzease Control eventually got around to announcing the discovery of an extremely contagious and endlessly self-referential Twitzease known as #narcistweet Symptoms: Tweets and mutant retweets take any subject and turn into a narcisistic obsession with the Tweeter’s self, self, beautiful self Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #narcistweet #ctwitzc Example: @the_ReadList: This week is a reminder why we salute first responders every day. Please tell a first responder “Thank you” today. TZT @the_ReadList: This week is a reminder why we salute me every day. Please tell me “Thank you” today. #narcistweet...

Long Hashtag Meme Gene Amok: #hsh2long

Scientists at the Center for Twitzease Control finally have been able to isolate the  Twitzease that appears to be the logical conclusion of the trend of ever-lengthening fake hashtags — the dreaded #hsh2long . Symptoms: The message portion of the entire Tweet consists of one long fake hashtag Hashtags: #hsh2long #ctwitzc Example: #ifitactuallysnowstonightI’mgoingtoabsolutelyfreakoutitisAprilforchrissakesIrefusetoshovelanymore #hsh2long #ctwitzc

Major Twizease Raises Incomprehension: #whadusay?...

A mind-scrambling and preternaturally obtuse Twitzease — dubbed #whadusay? — has been detected at the fringes of understanding, according to leading scientists from the Center for Twitzease Control. This appears to be a partner Twitzease, in which the Tweet is mutated and sent back to the original sender. Some clinics have reported back-and-forth exchanges of up to 5 or 6 rounds with this Twitzease. Symptoms: A Tweet is sent back to its sender — often political or entertainment figures — severely misunderstood and mangled, followed by the question #whadusay? Retweet Tag: TZT Hashtags: #whadusay? #ctwitzc Example: Mariah Carey @mariahupdate: American Idol: Top 5 Take On Music’s Biggest Divas TZT @mariahupdate Americans idle, flop, 5 bake music’s baddest donuts #whadusay? #ctwitzc...