Our_Story_So_Far

So far. . .
Since Wednesday (11.28.12) old business-school buddies Consuela (@Consualtants), Dan (@Dans_dataminers) and Lisa (@Lisas_lions) have been dealing with a crisis in their ongoing, 5-year fantasy league. Not a fantasy football league, but a fantasy business league, where they combine their hand-picked, dream management team with a dream portfolio to try to out-earn the competition, trashtalking each other all the way.

Wednesday
First, Consuela and her Consualtants made a shocking bid to buy out Dan’s Dataminers. Dan was embarrassed at his team’s poor performance. Lisa worried that this would mean the end of the friendly game.

Thursday
Then it turned out that Consuela had designs not only on Dan’s company, but on Dan himself, as a romantic partner and the father of her children. Lisa objected and confessed that she has been in love with Dan for years. At the end of the evening, Dan said he needs until Sunday to make any decision on Consuela’s offer(s).

Friday
Starting Friday (11.30.12) a new wrinkle emerges as it becomes clear that the companies everyone thought were virtual are actual real-life companies with actual real-life employees! Connie, Lisa and Dan are stunned! They thought it was just a game! And the employees are hopping mad.

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For the most current update on the FAIL netprov, click on this link:

or read the story below (from the bottom upwards, of course, since it’s social media!)

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FAIL, a netprov, #fail12 hashtag archive as of 11:49am EDT Saturday December 1st, 2012

@dans_dataminers @Lisas_lions Back salary, Dan? For you there’s a big pile of public flogging waiting. Chk yr stats! #fail12 #twitterfiction

 

Laney Jones ‏@LaneyJones7

Got a lot of stuff done for Monday. Silver lining to waking up early? #suuuperrrthinlining #fail12 #twitterfiction

@Consualants @Lisas_lions Hey, if there’s real denero going down, isn’t there a pile of back salary for us three? #fail12 #twitterfiction

@izzyjameson12 OK, OK, I hear ya. I’m not the greatest presenter. But I’m open to ideas, honestly. How do I take Dataminers back? #fail12

@rhettmcgillyc Rhett, I’m not asking. I’m telling. It’ll only take 15min. That means you’ll be earning $800/hr. Tell me when done. #fail12

@bettybetch1 Can you swing by Portentio Donuts on your way in this am and get 4 doz Maple Bacon Glaze for everyone? #pettycash Tks! #fail12

@Consualtants tempting…but its so interesting. Anyway sleep beckons…my hours are inhuman. #twitterfiction #fail12

@hk123112 Just wait until fiscal year 13-14; bonuses then should be stupendous. A rising tide swamps all boats! #fail12 #twitterfiction

@anniewalk3r Holiday party this year is a mixer where you get to meet the remaining @dans_dataminers people. I hope. #fail12 #twitterfiction

@rhettmcgillyc Rhett, good morning. $200 cash bonus if you’ll kindly head back to the office and shred what you found in trash, OK? #fail12

@mike_ikes_22 Thanks so much for contacting me. With your good people skills: think you can deliver bad news to people gently? #fail12

@elachkarkarim What kind of price are you asking on your @Consualtants positions? I could be VERY interested. #fail12 #twitterfiction

@crunchycommie Good question. See if you can take a poll of @Consualtants employees and see how happy they are #fail12 #twitterfiction

@tiarranicolette Well . . . today’s kind of a fight for our survival. Plus you have next Friday off. Turn up the music loud! #fail12

@johnloc83021513 I was up til 4.30am working on something BIG for the Lions, John! #fail12

Heading home after a long night cleaning up @Consualtants…interesting stuff in the trash tonight. #twitterfiction #fail12

RT @tiarranicolette: Love working for @Lisas_lions! Win! Win! Win! #fail12 #twitterfiction [So great to wake up to this today! -Lisa]

Honestly, @Lisas_lions…I can’t believe you’re making us work on a SATURDAY. #itstheweekend #fail12 #twitterfiction

Lisas_Lions NET VALUE DROPPED 61 TODAY: employee lawsuit prep draining budgets #FAIL12 #twitterfiction

Interns should NOT have to get up this early. #fail12 #twitterfiction

Loving my coffee with vanilla creamer that work ran out of yesterday! #fail12 #twitterfiction

Woke up and started getting ready for work, then realized what day it was. It’s Saturday, uh duh. Workaholic much? #fail12 #twitterfiction

How am I awake right now?? Weekends are for sleeping in. I blame work. #fail12 #twitterfiction

damn it feels good to be a gangsta. #twitter fiction #fail12

i can never sleep. Get a lot of work done at 4am though! #fail12 #twitterfiction

Watching the minutes pass by… Bachelorette season finale tonight. @bettybetch1 do you wanna join? #twitterfiction #fail12

@Lisas_Lions can we please institute casual fridays? You would love my flats. #twitterfiction #fail12 #casualfridays

@AliveandClive wow. That was you? You took away my only form of sustenance. SUSTENANCE!! #fail12 #twitterfiction

To do list: get Starbucks gold card, order mom’s christmas present, cyber monday shopping, update e-harmony prof pic #fail12 #twitterfiction

It was Defnitely abuse of Power (also who pulls over a Black Beemer lol #fail12 #twitterfiction

“No, Oficer, I ws just Cellebrating my bonus, what Whisky” #dui #oopsi #fail12 #twitterfiction

P.S. decided to color my hair lighter, thoughts? #twitterfiction #fail12

Real talk: I might have a thing for hobbits #fail12

Such a crazy day at work, late night out to unwind #fail12 #twitterfiction

@Consualtants when is the company holiday party again? It’s not going to be postponed bc of this takeover, right? #fail12 #twitterfiction

Going to bed, have to get up early for work. These voices just won’t stop maybe I’ll call my doctor later this week #twitterfiction #fail12

Are we doing Secret Santa again this year at the Christmas party? #fail12 #twitterfiction

@Lisas_Lions is this office ever going to get a juicer? This carrot isn’t going to juice itself. #twitterfail #fail12

Google contact number. google not searching. #fail12 #twitterfiction

Ugly christmas sweaters and holiday punch. Can’t wait for @Lisas_Lions Christmas party 2012. #twitterfail #fail12 #christmasofficeparties

@Consualtants Yes…fantasy. Right. They said the revolution wouldn’t be televised. They never said anything about tweets #fail12

@HK123112 o no who invited the row! Run for your lives! #fail12 yawl must be #interns! #twitterfiction

@rhettmcgillyc Don’t tempt me or I’ll have to rain down hard w some Fantasy Union Busting! #fail12 #twitterfiction http://robwit.nt/fail

@Jack_Pollan yeah doesn’t it suck. Step it up and pray to God that we don’t lose our jobs. #pray #fail12 #twitterfiction

Yo! Eggs! You better get som e Twitter profile pics or els Coach’ll be pizzed! LOL #fail12

@dans_dataminers er, yeah — was there something else in the End-User Agreement I missed?! *gulp* #fail12 #twitterfiction

Friday traffic, overwork, and rain, perfect way to start my weekend while anticipating the possibility of loosing my paycheck #fail12

Uh @Lisa_Lions you seem to not only have employees, you have some sort of militia after you??!! #fail12 #twitterfiction

I spend at least two hours of work each day on Etsy–searching for the perfect giraffe apron. Yet it still eludes me. #twitterfail #fail12

@ElachkarKarim Hold your shit soldier! @RhettMcGillyC is takin’ point outside the FOB, git yer zippos ready ladies. #fail12

Ever since I started working for @Lisas_Lions , I’ve been super into leopard prints. Coincidence, I think not. #bigcats #twitterfail #fail12

Once upon a time, I’d thought I’d be a poet. Now I’m an accountant and sometimes the numbers rhyme in my head. #twitterfail #fail12

I want 2 make a confession. I stole @SkylerWhite15 ‘s bagel. It was an “everything” bagel and it made my tongue sing. #twitterfail #fail12

@elachkarkarim Wow, wouldn’t that be the turnaround of all turnarounds, if we could buy out the @consualtants! Not likely #fail12

@Consualtants Willing to sell my Consualtants position to anyone who can give me a good deal? @Dans_dataminers. #fail12 #twitterfiction

Just called my buddy at work and he doesn’t believe that I’ve been hearing voices #twitterfiction #fail12

Day 1, 21:54 HVTs eliminated. RT: Lisas_lions SUFFERS TRAGIC WINDFARM DISASTER SHORTLY AFTER THIS PHOTO WAS SNAPPED. #fail12 #twitterfiction

Why am I still at work? I need some sleep…#fail12 #twitterfiction

Lisas_lions SUFFERS TRAGIC WINDFARM DISASTER SHORTLY AFTER THIS PHOTO WAS SNAPPED. #fail12 #twitterfiction pic.twitter.com/ncttSGh8

@Consualtants I’m a great people person. @Dans_dataminers never saw my true potential. #fail12 #twitterfiction

Rawrrrrr! Let’s go lions!!! “@Lisas_lions: Dear Lisa’s Lions Employees: Nice to meet you! You are awesome! We can win this thing. #fail12”

Omg just ran into some ppl from @dans_dataminers … Awkward … #fail12 #Twitter fiction

Day 1, 21:06. Night. Boss came around, asking if I had her “package.” Need to get a grip. Need smokes. We assault at dawn. #fail12

@RandyVanVogler Cool it buddy. Wait until the moment is right. We need to organize #twitterfiction #fail12

My computer was really slow today. Has anyone else installed Bonzai Buddy? It’s suposed to help???? #Fail12 #Twitterfiction

@Consualtants @Sarah50743130 Oh that’s classy, intimidating the people that make your money. Plutocrat. #twitterfiction #fail12

Stay positive @FranzLoblow remember what Joni Mitchell said “Sorrow is so easy to express and yet so hard to tell.” #Fail12 #twitterfiction

Please folks, just READ the emails. Am I your Cha Cha? #fail12 #twitterfiction

I’m thinking we’ll probably be better off in Consuela’s hands, really. But I put it to you. What do you think, Dataminers? #fail12

ITS THE WEEKEND, time to forget about this mess and PARTY. #fail12 #twitterfiction

@Consualtants Why why why? $ spent on the takeover means less for us. It was almost time for promotions…#fail12 #twitterfiction

Counting the minutes till this all goes down…. #fail12 #twitterfiction

Honestly, I thought this was a game. I am just as duped as you are/were. #fail12

Lions: We’re the tortoise compared to the rabbit. Bet on the tortoise! With the heart of a Lion! Roar tortoises for victory! #fail12

@Mike_Ikes_22 Upon acquisition of Dan’s Dataminers a full inventory will be made. The red staplers all better be in our possession. #fail12

I guess I should say thanks for all your (what I’m assuming has been) hard work. #fail12

Go lions! MT @Lisas_lions Lions: We’re the long shot in this game, but the smart money is on us! At least the nice money. #fail12

@Sarah50743130 Squeaky wheels may get the grease in some organizations, but in mine they get escorted to the door. #fail12

Lions: We’re the long shot in this game (game of, of well, of life I guess) but the smart money is on us! At least the nice money. #fail12

Hey, Dan’s Dataminers folks! Sorry I’ve been such a crummy CEO. I’ve been kind of phoning it in since my whole exgirlfriend thing. #fail12

@Consualtants this sounds good, but apparently there’s talk of layoffs. How will the market provide for us then? #fail12 #twitterfiction

@SkpperPratt As far as I know Consualtants are not a stakeholder of Twinkies, but I believe @Lisas_lions are. #fail12

Lions: We need to stay focused on our success vision, and we definitely will deal with that odor in the bathroom, @SkylerWhite15 #fail12

Phew! Worked ALL day so I could RAGE this weekend. Thank you #corporatelife #fail12 #twitterfiction

Now I’m waiting to hear about my job…can’t afford this, still wondering how to pay for last month’s car accident…#twitterfiction #fail12

What’s all this talk about an acquisition? Ugh…#fail12 #twitterfiction

As an incentive for the rest of you Consualtants, I’m giving @ArloPub a $50k bonus for his work on the ad (tho the ad’s not perfect) #fail12

Lions: As @ManuelaCDomingu states, this is a time of grieving. I’ve hired grief and general-weirdness counselors for next Tuesday. #fail12

@ArloPub I admire your zeal, but threatening Dan’s employees, altho an interesting strategy, has low success percentage #fail12

This TV just keeps talking on and on about these new company take overs #twitterfiction #fail12

While the acquisition may cause some short-term inconveniences (Dan’s Dataminers staff) the market will provide in the long run. #fail12

Lions: I’m going to drive over this evening and make sure the Keurig has coffee packets. Thanks @BetyBetch1 for the headsup. #fail12

Traffic, office drama, and good food….= exhaustion, exhaustion, and food coma. #goodnighttwitter #fail12 #twitterfiction

@Dans_dataminers @Lisas_lions My offer to Dan, both offers, are still in effect. We will expect an answer on Sunday. #fail12

Just got a call from the manager. Last min project due tomorrow. It’s going to be a long night…#fail12 #twitterfiction

You have me to thank for your good salaries and bonuses. Your trust in my leadership means we’ll stay on top. #fail12

Lions: I know this probably comes as a shock to all of you (it certainly has to me) Therefore hereby Friday 12/7 is a paid holiday. #fail12

@ManuelaCDomingu Yes, we should! My Venti and I would love to meet your little one!! #fail12 #twitterfiction

Dear Lisa’s Lions Employees: Nice to meet you! You are awesome! We can win this thing. #fail12

Now that we all know one another it’s my pleasure to continue to light a fire beneath your behinds so we can dominate the space. #fail12

Attention Consualtants Employees! I’m happy to have been informed about your existence. I hope it has been pleasant so far. #fail12

Woops! My PMs and AMs got switched! No wonder the office is locked up. #stupidity #fail12

About to deliver my wife the bad news. It’s okay, we’re only expecting triplets. Ivy-league bound triplets… #fail12 #twitterfiction

@crunchycommie @Dans_dataminers @ComradeCrunch Maybe a little too far? Thinking more along the lines of a lawsuit. Where’s legal at? #fail12

@JimboRee2 currently at the library bar looking up southwest flights on my phone #fail12 #twitterfiction