Chicago Soul Exchange

2010

Text Archive [NOTE: This is reconstructed from a WordPress blog site destroyed by viruses. The static pages are listed first, the catalog of past lives is listed second, and the blog entries are listed third, in ascending order. RW]

Your Neighborhood PAST LIFE BROKER "A Better Past — At Reasonable Prices"

About

There are more human beings alive now than the sum total of all the human beings who have lived before.

This means that it is arithmetically impossible for everyone living now to have a past life!

(Especially the kind of adventurous, bold and vericious life that makes one’s current life replete!)

It was into this void that I leaped to create Chicago Soul Exchange, a privately held, midwest-based, woman-owned past life brokerage dedicated to appending only the finest in past existences to the current lives of people who feel that naggling sense that whatever life is, this just isn’t it! Yet.

Who am I?
I am the Past Life Maven, a veteran of office politics and underappreciation who, when faced at age 4o with a squamous licratopha (that turned out to be benign!) decided on Chicago’s Lakefront under the full moon to drop all the trivia and dedicate my life to doing what I want to do hardest — matching up needy, deserving and short-changed folks of the present day with the dashing past lives they most deserve!

How do I run my business?
I make it personal. I am always here to answer questions, give advice, and provide consoling services. I stand behind every soul I sell one hundred percent (Chicago Soul Exchange accepts no liability for the actions and behaviors of the products it sells once appended, no returns, no exchanges).

But more than this, Chicago Soul Exchange is a community — your community, their community, our community, the place where they became us! Join me on the adventure of two lifetimes!

Catalog of Past Lives

Lutenist/Poet 1451451 "Unrecognized Genius"

The fifteenth century couldn’t handle reams of super-serious rhymes backed by two-chord musical maunderings, but this rough beast’s hour has come round at last – awesome!! Huge commercial potential, plus a knack for obtaining room, board, and sex from naive women.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

Comments (1)

$120,000.00Price:

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Barrington · 60 weeks ago

My employer, Credit Liechtenstein Caribe, has authorized me to bid in excess of 2,000,000 Euros for this item. It is probably therefore expedient to simply turn the title of this past life over to me without allowing further bids.


Agricultural Worker 9923487 "True Sweetheart"

This charming lady has a limp and a ready smile; her kindly manner speaks of her inherent gentleness despite her relatively low station in the society of the time.
A true sweetheart and a great child-bearer, too, apparently — Mom’s grab this one while she’s available!

Comments (0)

Price: $18,000.00
$17,990.00Price:
Updating cart...

Courtesan 987555432 "Lover to a Famous Man?"

In her early years, she may have been the lover of William Shakespeare, or any other number of other famous actors, playwrights, and patrons of the arts. In later years found adventure training bears to respond to a sharp stick.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

Comments (2)

$8,999.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

It's Chad right? This is just the kind of quality past I'm looking for... Your price is rather high, but that's not a problem for me. Do you have an earlier version of this type of past? I need something from the 14th century. (female, in the arts, northern europe?)

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wntsbyfrnd · 60 weeks ago

do you have one of these in male?


Bard 56988775 "Improvisational Poet"

He aspired to tell tales that would last centuries. A head injury interfered with his ability to memorize details of the story of Achilles, but he made up for this lack with a splendid imagination; he may have invented science fiction and the detective story, though he could not tell you for sure.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

Comments (4)

$5,999.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

A poet, even a forgetful one. Just what I've been looking for. Alas, too high a price for my secretarial budget (but probably well worth it).

I'm mentally ravished by the wonderful tale of love between the Knight and his fair future life. But, it's got me wondering (a dangerous thing lol): when one falls in love with a past life, is that like falling in long with yourself? I'm serious.

Thanks for all you do.

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luvmama · 60 weeks ago

you can't love anyone until you love yourself. and that includes your past selves.

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1 reply · active 60 weeks ago
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corapersephone · 60 weeks ago

luvmama, you just have a way of saying things, don' t you? I see what you mean. I can read your post two ways -- you can't love anyone (including your past selves) until you love yourself ( which includes your past selves). This will take some time to integrate but it's very beautiful. If my past self, for instance, was an irritable scullery maid who died of a terrible fungus, well, if she's my past self and therefore part of me...then not only do I have to accept and love her, but loving her teaches me to love myself. Vice-versa, if I can love who I am, all of me, faults and all, then my heart is truly open to others, including all these souls that CSE so proudly carries. Have I got this right? I will have to think about this. I will have to think about what I want in -- from -- a past life and what it might teach me. This is more complicated than I thought. Thank you for your kindness, luvmama.

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bearsfan179 · 60 weeks ago

Ick.


Agricultural family of 8

Agricultural family of 8 from the vicinity of Nish. Likely murdered by Huns under Attila during the reign of Constantine in the 5th Century. Certification from the Government of Serbia. Includes a 112-page history with color photographs, maps, diagrams, and a list of common names from Macedonia. To be sold as a set.
from Caseman Boheim

Comments (7)

$4,000.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

Hey, Maven! Don't we discourage bulk sales like these? Attractive package, tho, I must say

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1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
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Caseman Boheim · 60 weeks ago

RadiQuilter - The 'bulk sale' (your term) is a legal requirement by the Government of Serbia in this instance. Some governments don't like breaking up families. For 8 souls, this is a good price.

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PastLifeMaven · 60 weeks ago

Boheim, we talked about this. We DID. Several times. You know that bullshit like this "bulk buying" is what brought down Past Life Depot and I don't want the same thing to happen to us. It's about quality not quantity.

Seriously, call me at your earliest convenience. I won't yell. Promise.

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Barrington · 60 weeks ago

Dear Mr. Boheim,

I have been authorized by my employer, Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group, to offer you $100,000 as a consulting fee and technical fee waiver to come to our London offices and share with us the technical details of your past life packaging technology. We are particularly interested in the possibility of appending past lives to European Union government bond instruments, specifically those of Greece and Portugal. Your consultation would, of course, give us rights to use your technology to package past lives on an industrial scale, with a small fee to you for each subsequent transaction. I think you and your legal counsel will find our terms fair. You will be contacted soon for your reply.
Sincerely Yours,
N. Michael Barrington

Reply
1 reply · active 60 weeks ago
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Caseman Boheim · 60 weeks ago

Mr. Barrington - I appreciate your interest and would enjoy meeting you and discussing the market. You should know up front, however, that I enjoy being an independent businessman.

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Caseman Boheim · 60 weeks ago

SOLD! I wish to announce that the Agricultural Family of 8 has been purchased by a gentleman from Utah shopping for anniversary gifts - a soul for each of his wives, apparently. I would like to thank CSE for this forum. Your commission will be sent electronically.

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corapersephone · 60 weeks ago

I hate to say it but I am SO glad this family went to another family and not into the hands of people who want to make cold, financial instruments of them. They suffered enough from being warm financial instruments when they were alive. Cheers to Caseman Boheim for resisting the lure of money in favor of your independence and your honor!


19 Early Christians

19 Early Christians from the reign of Constantine. Likely murdered by Huns under Attila, 443 A.D., found inside the walls of a plundered monastery. These souls were in the vanguard of a social movement that revolutionized the world. Certification from the Bulgarian Government and the Eastern Orthodox Church, plus a 112-page history with color photographs, maps, diagrams, and a list of common names from Thrace. Specify by number. Discount for volume purchases.
from Caseman Boheim

Comments (10)

Price: $500.00
$0.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

Is this a pricing error? Souls found inside the monastery should be worth more than those outside. For a price of $0.00 I will take them all. I need some trading stock.

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1 reply · active 60 weeks ago
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Caseman Boheim · 60 weeks ago

Mr. Atman - This is indeed a fat-fingered fat-fingered pricing error - the type that can easily threaten the stability of the entire market, especially with automated trading programs! I implore the operators of the CSE to stop trading on this product until the error is corrected! I want at least $550 for these souls or I will have to take my trading to a more responsible exchange!

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Kay-at-Home-Mom · 60 weeks ago

I think this is the special I saw in the paper... They are free with another purchase right? I think I can still find the a coupon code... Yep! I am getting them for my son's birthday party. It's an ancient Roman this year. We'll use the map and other items for the treasure hunt in the backyard. Joey is gonna love it!

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Anwar Atman · 60 weeks ago

No I purchase first bid at price of $0.00 dollars! I buy them all! What is my discount for volume purchase all 19 at zero $0.00 dollars? Do I get 19 history books also?

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PastLifeMaven · 60 weeks ago

Boheim, call me ASAP. That is all.

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Caseman Boheim · 60 weeks ago

PastLifeMaven I must protest about the situation you have put met in! I had to take out a loan to provide these souls (with certification!) to this marketplace, and now your erroneous posting of them at a price of $0.00 is threatening to bankrupt my start-up business. I beg Kat-at-Home and Anwar to have some understanding. My business simply cannot afford to give away these souls. The books alone cost me $50 each! I cannot accept anything under $275 per soul or it will undermine me financially!

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Kay-at-Home-Mom · 60 weeks ago

WTF are the coupons for then??? I'm really really miffed... Joey's party is THIS SATURDAY people!

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Barrington · 60 weeks ago

Dear Mr. Boheim,

I have been authorized by my employer, Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group, to offer you $100,000 as a consulting fee and technical fee waiver to come to our London offices and share with us the technical details of your past life packaging technology. We are particularly interested in the possibility of appending past lives to European Union government bond instruments, specifically those of Greece and Portugal. Your consultation would, of course, give us rights to use your technology to package past lives on an industrial scale, with a small fee to you for each subsequent transaction. I think you and your legal counsel will find our terms fair. You will be contacted soon for your reply.
Sincerely Yours,
N. Michael Barrington

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Caseman Boheim · 60 weeks ago

Friends and Colleagues of CSE -This has really been a Black Friday for me. I have been trying to honestly serve a need in the community, but it appears I have had the rug pulled out from under me. I don't know what plans Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group has for what remains here at CSE. If trading is reopened, I may be a participant. Otherwise, ...

I do want it known, however, that I have settled matters with Kay-at-Home and Mr. Atman in regard to the 19 Early Christians. Despite the fact that the coupons for "Crewmen" (not "Christians") had in fact expired, and that it was never my intention to market these valuable souls for "$0.00" - the souls will be delivered to Kay and Anwar, and I will receive some compensation for my expenses. Also, on my own volition, I have arranged for a special gift to be delivered to Kay's son Joey tomorrow, at his party - the soul of an English wolfhound who died pursuing a unicorn off a cliff.

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Kay-at-Home-Mom · 60 weeks ago

Thank you Caseman for generously honoring my requests and delivering the package to my home in time for Joey's birthday... The party was a huge hit with all the kids.

BUT...

I have been getting calls from the school over the past few days and something might be very wrong ...The school nurse's office has been plagued with injuries due to "unnecessary rough-housing" on the playground and the principal has sent most of our party guests to detention for the rest of the week. A few of the kids were unable to comprehend the comprehensive testing which began on Monday. (It seems that Justin, Ben, and Matthew can no longer read.)

I fear that : (a) the merchandise was defective, (b) the early Christians were a bit lacking in Christian values, or (c) children should NEVER be allowed to append, they are simply too malleable.

Sorry everyone. I know it's my own stupid fault and I'm a bad mom and all that. I know that the trading at CSE has been shut down, but I just want to get this word out to anyone else who purchased a multi-pack of pasts...


33 Early Christians

33 Early Christians from the reign of Constantine. Likely murdered by Huns under Attila, 443 A.D., found outside the walls of a plundered monastery. These souls were in the vanguard of a social movement that revolutionized the world. Certification from the Bulgarian Government and the Eastern Orthodox Church, plus a 112-page history with color photographs, maps, diagrams, and a list of common names from Thrace. Specify by number. Discount for volume purchases.
from Caseman Boheim

Comments (4)

$500.00Price:
· 60 weeks ago

Sorry - Sold Out!! I'm sorry to disappoint those soul-shoppers who hesitated a little bit and missed this opportunity to purchase one of these certified souls from the Balkans of the 5th-Century. This sale went very quickly. I tried to make the price low enough to be affordable - perhaps it was just a little too low. I underestimated the market again. I'll try to get more soon. In the mean time, will the site manager please try to disable the "Add To Cart" button on this item to stop the bids? They're jamming my email. Thanks so much.

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1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
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PastLifeMaven · 60 weeks ago

Also, you know who the "site manager" is so stop being coy. Thank YOU so much.

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PastLifeMaven · 60 weeks ago

Boheim, you effing eff. This is about Vancouver, isn't it? Very small, Boheim, very small. Are you deliberately doing this to undermine me, or just to get negative attention like the emotional first grader you are? GOD.

I will regret posting this but also regret not. So yeah, here goes. CLICK.

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Barrington · 60 weeks ago

Dear Mr. Boheim,

I have been authorized by my employer, Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group, to offer you $100,000 as a consulting fee and technical fee waiver to come to our London offices and share with us the technical details of your past life packaging technology. We are particularly interested in the possibility of appending past lives to European Union government bond instruments, specifically those of Greece and Portugal. Your consultation would, of course, give us rights to use your technology to package past lives on an industrial scale, with a small fee to you for each subsequent transaction. I think you and your legal counsel will find our terms fair. You will be contacted soon for your reply.
Sincerely Yours,
N. Michael Barrington


Agricultural Worker 5876720 "Witness to History"

While Nero fiddled and Rome burned, this peasant farmer was spending a good portion of his annual disposable income on good wine and quality entertainment. An excellent olive picker with good taste in music and simple tastes in food, he saw some wooden shops catch fire in the Circus Maximus during the reign of Nero.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

Comments (8)

$1,650.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

PastLifeMaven, I definitely am interested in this fellow. I would like to offer you $2,000.00 even for him. Let me know soon.

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Cynthia M. · 61 weeks ago

Wait, wait, wait! I have $2,250 I have been saving fur just such an opportunity. I'll take him, thanks! You have my e-mail in your database.

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NewEraMale · 61 weeks ago

Cynthia, Hi!
Glad to meet someone who is interested in the same kinds of pasts as I am! Isn't this a great site?
Say . . . since I was first to offer a higher price, maybe let's say I get this past, and you get the next good one that comes up?

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Cynthia M. · 61 weeks ago

Hi, NewEraMale,
Yes this is a great site. Sorry, but I have offered a higher price than you, so I'm sure PastLifeMaven will let me have this guy. Better luck next time!

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NewEraMale · 61 weeks ago

I did get here first, Cynthia. Please let's keep this amicable. Accept your runner up status with grace. You'll get a good one I'm sure.

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Cynthia M. · 61 weeks ago

Dear OldTImeyMale:
Money talks and bullshit walks.

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PhatWallace · 61 weeks ago

You got it, Cynthia. $$$ talks. I love the sound of this guy.

I'll offer $3,000.

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Anwar Atman · 61 weeks ago

I would to collect a large set, but from the Levantine bank of Mediterranean, do you have some there, Maybe fisherman or boat builder? From first to 5dt Century. Thank you very much. Anwar Atman.


Agricultural Worker 8810929 "Early Scientist"

A brilliant pioneer of the rhythm method based on astronomical observations. Alas, she died of childbirth under a blue moon.

Comments (8)

Price: $920.00
$910.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

I think you all are cruel to attempt to sell this poor woman's life. in my mind it is feasible to sell one's labor, hell, in effect, one's soul, but that's not what you people are doing here. What you all are doing is taking the disadvantaged and resdisadvantagizing them. After their death. Which is both unconscionable and just plain dirty and I don't mean dirty on the scale of a minor perversion I mean dirty as unclean.

Conventional psychics, who connect you with respectable and exciting past lives of royal blood and true heritage, are purer and cleaner. I once attended a seance with a psychic who had an office on North Avenue in Chicago who gave me a real spiritual feeling without any unnecessary intervening technology.

Now, I would not raise your hopes, not everyone is connected to Royal Blood. But in fact, if you go back far enough, which I have with the assistance of my psychic who is also a lifestyle coach who helped me to lose weight gain self-confidence and get in touch with my real Royal relatives and who has an office on North Avenue in Chicago, Illinois kind of close to the theatre district certainly did, and it did not cost me much or feel impersonal in the way that many modern technoloties do.

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1 reply · active 61 weeks ago
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PastLifeMaven · 61 weeks ago

Okay, whoa. Sorry everyone. (Note to self, need more SLEEP!) HowardHughes, I totally apologize for calling you pathetic. Uncalled for! Sorry, sorry, sorry. I was just overreacting to your post, which of course you have a right to post, because we welcome all comments here. I hope you will not take my "pathetic" remark into consideration when you are choosing your past life from our catalog.

ps I'm going to choose to NOT delete my "pathetic" remark for now, just so it can serve as a reminder of how even PastLIfeMaven can be unpleasant when stressed out by the behavior of others.

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Precoshus · 61 weeks ago

Hi! I'd like to pay $1,000 for this wonderful woman. I also love science.

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NewEraMale · 61 weeks ago

Hi, I just got skunked on a bid I made on the Roman fellow, so I will pay 41,300 for this lady.

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NewEraMale · 61 weeks ago

That was a typo! That was a typo!
I will pay $1,300 for this lady.
Aw, make it $1,400

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PastLifeMaven · 61 weeks ago

Howard Hughes,

Seriously? You are Pathetic.

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PastLifeMaven · 61 weeks ago

NewEraMale,

Please IM me to confirm that neither "1,300" or ""1,400" are typos either.

Thanks!!!

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Claudine_Colette · 61 weeks ago

Can I get more detailed info on this past? Is there a chance she dates from anytime between 1398 and 1234? I will pay significantly for a female European from that time period.


Female Herbalist 8997471 "Almost Anything"

This long-haired forest-dweller knew precise formulas for concoctions that could cure anything, almost. A properly weighted scale might have helped her in the end.

Comments (1)

Price: $880.00
$870.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

Could she be from the 13th or 14th century? Any background info would be helpful ( I need birth/death dates if possible). I am a serious collector and will pay for precise provenance.


Knight 3387273 "Robust, Hearty"

This actual British knight, Sir Swidhelm of somewhere-or-other in East Anglia was a robust fellow with a twinkling eye and a hearty cough. Proud of his breeding stock, he attended an investiture in London in his teens.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

Comments (0)

$1,300.00Price:
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Household Worker 4523099 "Innovative"

Thanks to a mishap in the kitchen, this seventeenth century scullerymaid invented a version of crème brûlée. She may have lived a bit longer if only her mistress had been suitably impressed.

Comments (1)

Price: $880.00
$875.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

I love crème brûlée, but I've never known how to make it. Maybe some of her cooking talent would rub off on me. I have a half-off coupon I got in an email when I joined. Is it good for this purchase?


Agricultural Worker 8827811 "Consistent"

Consistency and piety were the hallmarks of this pint-sized weeding ace. He gained renown by refusing to climb the mountain with the gang to look at the giant forest fire beyond in favor of his habitual religious observances.

Comments (2)

Price: $810.00
$800.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

will you come down a bit on the price?

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neweruser · 61 weeks ago

what kind of religious observance?


Youth 9930445 "Enthusiastic"

You will not find a more sporting companion than this. A tragic fascination for wildlife doomed him to a death attempting to extract juvenile hyenas from a den.

Comments (0)

Price: $880.00
$870.00Price:
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Debtor 54898882 "Risk Taker"

An early career as a gambler was succeeded by a meaningful pursuit as an activist for prisoner’s rights.

Comments (0)

Price: $690.00
$680.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 7383665 "Steady"

Have you ever watched 24 hours of your life pass in which you can discern no progress whatsoever, yet you nonetheless FEEL FULL CONTENTMENT? Well, my friend, purchase of this steady soul will MULTIPLY THAT FEELING by over 38 years!

Comments (0)

Price: $870.00
$860.00Price:
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Youth 2827499 "Climber"

Always a part of a gaggle of gamins, this sparkle-eyed tot was called by one of his brothers’ names as often as by his own. He once climbed to the peak of the roof.

Comments (0)

Price: $650.00
$640.00Price:
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Beggar 9006784 "Lark"

A drunken brawl with a scythe-wielding reaper left this plucky teen with nothing but four stumps and a can-do attitude. A prime location on the church steps and an exceptionally fine singing voice assured him coin enough to keep his belly full.

Comments (0)

Price: $770.00
$760.00Price:
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Matron 4667392 "Vivacious"

This defiant woman bore two robust warrior sons. Preceded in death by her jealous husband, she was unforgivably buried alive with him.

Comments (0)

Price: $730.00
$725.50Price:
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Agricultural Worker 7881479 "Hoe Expert"

Generally the last to arrive in the fields of a working morn’, this wiry lad was uniquely susceptible to the allure of John Barleycorn. An expert at fighting with the hoe, he once caught a fox with his bare hands (though some claimed the fox was ill).

Comments (0)

Price: $870.00
$860.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 2710387 "Fangs"

Known for tying particularly tight sheaves of barley, this robust gal chipped a tooth as a ‘tween and sported the nickname “Fangs” for her entire, brief, life. Madly in love with the lad who married her older sister, Fangs had a son out of wedlock and successfully kept the secret of the father’s identity.

Comments (2)

Price: $880.00
$870.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

Would like dates on this one, she may be exactly what I'm looking for. Will pay for provenance.

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Caseman Boheim · 60 weeks ago

Just an aside, but I've often wondered where my allergy to wheat, barley, and rye came from. Maybe these are actual ancestors of mine. It makes me feel very weird to read about them in this setting. Was she literate? Any chance she left a written record somewhere?


Slave 95463218 "Considered Leading and Uprising"

A slave during the reign of Cleopatra, this slave sometimes talked to other slaves about how great it would be to have an exodus, but his strong work ethic and dedication to architecture kept him in chains.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

Comments (2)

$1,100.00Price:
· 61 weeks ago

This one is attractive, could you come down on the price?

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Kay-at-Home-Mom · 61 weeks ago

I'm looking for a father's day gift, but it's over my budget.


Courtesan 388822/388823 "Four-Tit"

Two for the price of one! Conjoined twins who could quell a bishop’s lust in half the time.

Comments (0)

Price: $900.00
$890.00Price:
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Laborer 6458732 "Brush with Greatness"

Charlemagne was the first Holy Roman Emperor and he sparked a cultural and artistic revival that helped define the Middle Ages in all of western Europe. Someone had to clean his stables.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

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$1,100.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 87776543 "Animal Lover"

This mischievous Cambrian lad loved a good time almost as much as he loved sheep. Misunderstood, he spent some time in the stocks.

Comments (0)

Price: $770.00
$760.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 2929947 "Betrothed"

Gifted with a sensitivity to color the power of which she could not communicate, this lovely maiden lived to see her betrothal dinner. One day, at the fair, she stood transfixed for an hour before scraps of real silk gleaned from a battlefield.

Comments (0)

Price: $880.00
$870.00Price:
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Hunter 3925551 "Won't Give Up"

Although he was not known as a sure shot, the NEVER SAY DIE determination of this archer made him a PRINCIPLE PATRON of the entire arrowhead industry of southwestern North America for a generation!

Comments (0)

Price: $900.00
$890.00Price:
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Adolescent Female 8447639 "Grace"

This clan favorite was taken by malevolent spirits at puberty. The word her people gave the willow catkin is derived from her name.

Comments (2)

Price: $700.00
$695.00Price:
· 60 weeks ago

My daughter and her best friend have had a series of lemonade stands to save up for this soul. So far they have raised $231.75. She has been in the catalog for a while... Please let me know if you will accept a reduced bid from my girls. They have their hearts set on her, and they've been working so hard.

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The Wind · 60 weeks ago

I came in through the window over there and tenderly lifted the edge of that paper - just enough to start the pencil rolling across the desk - my favorite little joke. Nobody ever gets my jokes. But then I saw your sentence, "The word her people gave the willow catkin is derived from her name."

I, I, ... I guess I caught my breath for the briefest moment. The strangest feeling came over me as I passed over those words. I don't know how to describe it. Maybe the word 'recognition' fits. For the first time I thought, "The word her people gave the willow catkin is derived from her name. Why yes, of course, I know!" Imagine, me, the wind, of all things, 'knowing' anything about the willow catkin. Why ever would I know? But I do, I just do.

I passed on across the room but this thought had taken hold of me, possessed me. I could not shake it. As old as I am, I've never consciously 'known' anything. I should know many things considering what I must have caressed over the ages - the wild flowers on the edge of the battlefield, the cheetah in the fetid cage, the naked bodies in the field, the cold stones above the tideline. But if anything, I'm dispassionate. I touch, I pass on, I don't remember.

Suddenly, upon reading, "The word her people gave the willow catkin is derived from her name," I just knew. I don't understand why, but yes, I know. I know. It must be true.


Agricultural Worker 7383664 "Dependable"

To dismiss this soul as run-of-the-mill is to dismiss the intricate mechanism of A SPRING-DRIVEN POCKET WATCH, MARKING THE STEADY FLOW OF TIME ITSELF, as a mere piece of metal.

Comments (0)

Price: $800.00
$790.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 4287642 "Slurping Storyteller"

Nimble with his wit and quick with his gums, this septuagenarian lost his teeth early and had decades to become skilled at both differently-abled eating and animal calls. His signature style of slurping, whistling, storytelling was imitated in the village for generations after its originator was forgotten.

Comments (0)

Price: $930.00
$920.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 4637499 "Eternal Visionary"

Although a hard worker, his death by drowning was universally ascribed to his insistance that he’d witnessed (many times) the gods Enlil and Enki consorting in the reeds.

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Price: $830.00
$820.00Price:
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Fisherman 4589651 "Skeptic"

One of the most productive harvesters of oysters on the island Rincah, he was also known for his steadfast rejection of received wisdom, which he considered mere superstition. He amused and frightened his fellow villagers by loudly and publicly denying that the gods caused earthquakes and that Komodo dragons sometimes kill people.

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Price: $900.00
$890.00Price:
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Laborer 642227 "Gouty Bold"

Indentured at the age of seven as a scrap-hauler in the Lord’s kitchen, this once-skinny lad often consumed the fatty rinds and leftover churnings himself (the husbanders wondered why the pigs stayed so lean!). At the age of twenty, the painful swelling tipped him over for the last time.

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Price: $810.00
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Youth 2863492 "Daredevil"

This spunky teen was one of the coolest kids on his block on the west side of Nineveh and he never passed on a chance to wow his friends with feats of adolescent bravado. In a society with good protective headgear he would have become the favorite uncle in his clan.

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Price: $790.00
$770.00Price:
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Merchant 6578987 "A Generous Man With a Nose for Fish"

This fish monger would never put his finger on the scales, and would save the choicest fish not for his wealthy customers, but for a widow who lived up the lane. Spiced eels magnificently.

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Price: $830.00
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Educated 9765652 "Heavy and Wistful"

Once a beautiful lass of the library, this lovely middle-aged 20th century professor-type would consume too much of the fourth meal of the day too late and wake each and every morning to say, “I’m so fat and sad”. By evening she was the happiest one around, telling jokes and making fun as her sorrows were drowned and spirits carried to a higher place by John Walker.
(20th century May special)

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Price: $820.00
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Young Herdsman 7231421 "Footloose"

Fearing blame for a plague among the sheep, this young man had the rare ambition to flee his tribe with merely his clothing and a sling. Trespass on the water-hole of a rival tribe brought a swift end to his promising life.

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Farmer 8329657 "Mindful"

This steady, placid man lived on the bank of the Bei River and walked the same path to the same field to perform the same long list of tasks every day for more than four decades. He was an expert at living in the moment nearly 400 years before the Buddha.

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Price: $870.00
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Infant 339777 "Pocket"

The sixteenth daughter of Medrick of Twand, this newborn was put into her older sister’s apron compartment for warmth and safekeeping, then quickly forgotten. By harvest time, three more daughters had been brought into the world, but the family never recovered from the labor deficit caused by Pocket’s suffocation.

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Price: $825.00
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Mid-Wife 1747336 "Bountiful"

This fecund female survived four husbands and bore 23 children (an unheard-of 10 of which survived to adulthood) while handily delivering every babe born in her village until death claimed her grateful soul at 45. She bit through many an umbilical cord with her legendarily straight, white, sound teeth.

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Price: $975.00
$955.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 2029741 "Handy"

This handy hot-head joined the team when his own village was sacked in a family feud. He apparently had been some kind of fancy-pants before, because he never could reconcile himself to being the village chief’s sculleryman and was always snippy.
a ChadBonneur SignatureSoulTM

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$1,100.00Price:
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Agricultural Worker 9930201 "Ninety-Nine Percent"

Reliable, once he understood; you came to notice if he was missing. 99.9% percent of his span of existence was dedicated to the proposition: “Never say die.”

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Price: $925.00
$900.00

Buyer Registration

How can we virtually assure you a good match with a quality past life?

It’s because of our scientific questionnaire! The carefully nuanced questions perform a cross-matching against numberless criteria slated to produce FullerfillmentTM, our proprietary form of satisfaction, registered in the patent office in Washington, D.C.

Take your time and answer carefully. A life may depend on it! Have fun!

Seller’s Registration

Greetings, potential Chicago Soul Exchange harverster/sellers!

Whoa there, not so fast! We need to determine that the past lives you’re harvesting are up to the exacting standards of our clientele! Our clients trust us to make their lives replete, and we honor that.

Why don’t we let just “anyone” sell past lives at Chicago Soul Exchange?

Because by putting you through our rigorous scientific questionnaire process, we can insure that our customers get not just “fulfillment” from their new past life, but instead they get FullerfillmentTM our proprietary form of satisfaction, registered in the patent office in Washington D.C.

Take your time and answer carefully. A life may depend on it! Have fun!

[contact-form 2 "Sellers Form"]

Fresh Start

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.10.10 1 comment

Dear Chicago Soul Exchange Regulars,
Due to the troubles we’ve been having with Spammers, Haters, and PriceWeasels on the Blorum (what we call this page, halfway between a Blog and a Forum) I have decided to delete all the messages from the past 2 years.
My apologies to those who I deleted, but given the recent arguments, I know our good loyal customers and harvesters will understand.
Spammers — we have installed new filters to keep you out. Everybody has all the Erectile drugs they need, thank you!
PriceWeasels — there’s a price, and then a sale price; no haggling! no begging! yes we all know there’s a recession on, but we have family’s to support and we have a right to respect the value of the marketplace.
Haters — get a life! From our Catalog! Seriously! Make yourself replete and you’ll be AMAZED at how much rosier life looks. Otherwise, carry your toxic baggage to another Blorum!
Breathe, Maven, Breathe! (I’ve been up all night deleting and putting in new Spam filters.)
Sales are pretty good, given everything. Let’s all turn over a new page!

<< Chad Scores Some Quality Past Lives! . . . We Hope!!


1 Comments

ewen
May 5th, 2010 at 08:16

PastLifeMaven
plm@chicagosoulexchange.com
97.112.103.97
Submitted on 2010/05/11 at 12:33 am
***a clarification about previous post, re: Erectile drugs needed/not**
I did NOT mean to suggest that Viagra, et al should be limited or restricted in any way. Simply that we want to keep those discussions and transactions separate from the work this site is focused on.
***a clarification about
previous post, re: Erectile drugs needed/not**
I did NOT mean to suggest that Viagra, et al should be limited or
restricted in any way. Simply that we want to keep those discussions and
transactions separate from the work this site is focused on.
plm@chicagosoulexchange.com
PastLifeMaven
1
ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash
PastLifeMaven
plm@chicagosoulexchange.com
97.112.100.180
Submitted on 2010/05/10 at 8:47 pm
EWen — I SO appreciate your good wishes! See, people, business does NOT have to be cutthroat, even in a recession. NextLifeDepot was a quality brokerage, and EWen is a quality gal who sells quality product. You notice I say “sells” EWen! Don’t give up! I know you probably need a break after your debacle, but the industry misses you! Don’t be a stranger!
EWen — I SO appreciate
your good wishes! See, people, business does NOT have to be cutthroat,
even in a recession. NextLifeDepot was a quality brokerage, and EWen is a
quality gal who sells quality product. You notice I say “sells” EWen!
Don’t give up! I know you probably need a break after your debacle, but
the industry misses you! Don’t be a stranger!
plm@chicagosoulexchange.com
PastLifeMaven
1
ApproveUnapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash
EWen
ewen@nextlifedepot.com
76.237.202.35
Submitted on 2010/05/10 at 8:16 pm
This is why I shut down my website! Good luck my dear PastLifeMaven. Let me know if “you know who” shows up for sale. NextLifeDepot.com
This is why I shut down my
website! Good luck my dear PastLifeMaven. Let me know if “you know who”
shows up for sale. NextLifeDepot.com
ewen@nextlifedepot.com
EWen

Chad Scores Some Quality Past Lives! . . . We Hope!!

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.10.10 0 comments

CSE regulars will know that we haven’t had many new offerings in the catalog lately.
But all this is about to change!!! We Hope!
Chad, one of our most profilic past life harvesters, texts us that he has acquired some very exciting past lives of high human interest and quality. Chad is traveling right now in “Undisclosed Location” as he always says, haha, but he says he’ll soon be back with some true finds.
“Wire me money” he texts also, also as always! I tell him no four star restaurants, haha. But he’s a vegan.
Of course I will update you dear customers and potential customers as soon as developments alert!

She Hopes So, Too

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.10.10 0 comments

SpiritualEssence is also excited about Chad’s prospects as she sips her morning coffee.

Great News!

Posted by ShyGal47 on 05.10.10 3 comments

It’s great news that Chad (whoever chad is) is finding some good quality pasts!

Not that we don’t love you, Maven, but we all are aware that the quality of the recent catalog has been pretty dismal.

I am so ready for that big change in my life!

<< Yes, it’s Exciting
She Hopes So, Too >>

3 Comments

HOpeful Man
May 10th, 2010 at 10:12

You are so correct, ShyGal! The catalog’s been full of stinko’s lately.

gentler_ben
May 10th, 2010 at 15:46

I think we all need to hang onto our perspective, HOpeful Man. Not everyone can be Kublai Khan.
I think the catalog has offered some intriguing possibilities of late. I’m happy with my humble-but-bright worker bee.

Caseman Boheim
May 10th, 2010 at 23:49

Ben, Ben, Ben! No ‘worker bee’ should be disparaged as ‘humble.’ All lives are priceless! You must remember that people buy souls for many reasons, not only for personal spiritual augmentation. Some people, perfectly content with their own lives in the here-and-now, buy souls out of an interest in history or because they enjoy rich surroundings of art, cultural artifacts, and conversation pieces. Imagine, for a moment, that your date has surprised you with a bottle of fine wine. As you savor the first sip, you casually remark that you happen to own the soul of a 12th century vintner from Tuscany! Nothing ‘humble’ about that, sir! You truly have something impressive!

Yes, it’s Exciting

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.10.10 0 comments

Patience is all virtual, my dear customers!
I’m as excited as you are!

Yes, an Actual Knight

Posted by ChadBonneur on 05.10.10 0 comments

Hey Duderrifics and Duderinas,

I don’t want to brag, but high five me.

Back from my trip and check out the knight, yes an actual British knight, offered for your delectification now in the Catalog.

ChadBonneur

Very Good Offer For Your Knight

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.10.10 0 comments

My Dear PastLifeMaven in personally,

Allow me introduce I, Vlad.

I have offer for you, such the likes of which not known since your grandmother’s time. I am interest in your British Knight Swidhelm.

I prepared to offer special deal instantly credit your account $1,500 no questions asked, no fuss no muss, 100% cash American dollar you sell to only me your British Knight.

No one give you better offer.

At your service,

Why Be Coy? Sell Me Knight

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.10.10 0 comments

Dear PastLifeMaven,

What the delay? You professional, I professional, I offer above catalog price, special deal, business to business, back room, special, 100% American, you no answer? Why?

I no need to mess with you catalog, you deal me direct! Me, Vlad! We partners!

At your service,

The Knight is Hers

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.10.10 0 comments

SpiritualEssence is sitting back stretching as satisfied as a cat in the sunshine.

She saw the Knight Swidhelm and purchased him right away, minutes after ChadBonneur posted him.

SpiritualEssence has been promising herself to act on her innerpulse (inner impulse) instantly, to go with her GI tract and make the moves that will bring repletion into her life. She saw Swidhelm and plunged on him!

Sorry, Vlad. Sorry, others. This time she’s putting herself first!

Still Sell The Knight SpiritualEsence!

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.10.10 0 comments

Dear SpiriutualEssence,

No problem that you already buy the Knight. You no append Knight to you yet! Instead now you sell to me, Vlad!

You buy low, you sell high. You happy, Vlad happy, $1,600 American, more than Maven. You have money, Vlad have knight!

And by the way, PastLifeMave, Vlad disappoint in you! Why no you sell me knight right away? Cost me $100 American extra to buy from SpiritualEsensce. She cuter than you, too!

You cute, SpiritualEsence. You make Vlad happy, Vlad make Vlad happy!

Summarize: No append! Sell to Vlad! Everybody happy! You cute!

At your service,

Easy Does It, Mr. TheWholesaler!

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.10.10 0 comments

Dear Vlad,

I will thank you to kindly not hassle my customers on my own Blorum (Blog and Forum).

Repletion is Sublime

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.10.10 0 comments

SpiritualEssence appended the Knight Swidhelm almost immediately after she bought him.

Where should she begin to describe this experience?

10,000 larks flapping and larking happily couldn’t be more rambunctious.

20,000 boyfriends suddenly realizing they’ve been a jerk and apologizing — and meaning it — couldn’t be more righteous.

50,000 glasses of wine with her best friends in the world on 50,000 Greek islands at a free luxury resort for AS LONG AS WE WANT TO STAY talking about crazy siblings and bad dates couldn’t be more therapeutic.

PastLifeMaven — you were not lying about Fullerfillment! Everybody, it’s for real.

It’s being growing all evening. I forgive my Mom. I’ve lost weight. Repletion is sublime.

Thanks for the Testimonial!

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.11.10 6 comments

SpiritualEssence,

You go, gal! A post like yours makes all the struggles of running this business worth it.

Doubters, listen up! Re-read her post! As she says: “it’s for real.”

<< A rose on her pillow
Repletion is Sublime >>

6 Comments

CoraPersephone
May 11th, 2010 at 12:34

I am interested in, perhaps, a Pharoah or scribe? When do you think you’ll be getting more choices in? Thanks for all you do!

PastLifeMaven
May 11th, 2010 at 15:18

CoraPersephone, thanks for your interest.
As regulars know, the odds are against us when we hope after persons of power, influence, and education. The percentages are so small as to make the chance nearly impossible, I’m sorry to say. I’ve been in the industry for years and I haven’t heard of one Hparaoah Pharoah. Perhaps you can set your sights on someone who . . . say . . . isn’t easily startled. We get those fairly frequently

Doubting Thomas
May 11th, 2010 at 18:26

I don’t want to doubt your scientific method, but in the words of my son Theodore “THIS SITE SUX!!!!” Tgggghere are abny number of REAL PSYCHICS in Chicago who can get you better results than this internet-fangled nonsense, which ISNT EVEN TRUEE!!!!!!
I am related to Henry VIII, via QUEEN ELIZABETH!!!!!!
(who was awesome)
you suck my princely ass.
Tom

PastLifeMaven
May 12th, 2010 at 13:33

Doubting Thomas, CSE tries to be a supportive community of people who support each other. As you can see from the MANY testimonials and positive comments from loyal customers, this “nonsense” is not only true, but transcendent of truth. Kindly take your abusive language and business elsewhere. It’s a free internet, and I’m sure you can find someplace else to purchase what you need.
Cordially,
PastLIfeMaven

gentler_ben
May 12th, 2010 at 19:38

If you do the math, Doubting T, we’re all related to all sorts of fancy folks if you go back 10 or 12 generations.
But having a king as a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather doesn’t do much for you. It’s nothing like having a Past.
Please don’t hate what you don’t understand.

PastLifeMaven
May 12th, 2010 at 19:53

THANK YOU, Gentler_ben. I could not have said it better myself.
Also thank you for using non-abusive language.

A rose on her pillow

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.11.10 0 comments

She woke up this morning nose-to-nose with a red rose sitting on her pillow . . . undoubtedly a gift from her new past life, the knight Swidhelm.

In a bud vase on the dresser now his rose sings to her.

The appendation vibrates like a cymbal to the very edges of SpiritualEssence’s being.

Maven, how can she ever thank you!

Sorry, but . . . That’s Impossible

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.11.10 0 comments

SpritualEssence . . . I know how loyal a customer you’ve been since the early days, and I SO appreciate that!

That’s why I know you’ll take it the right way when I say:

a rose on your pillow from Sir Swidhelm?

That’s just plain impossible! It’s just not scientific or rational or any of those good things, sweetie!

I think someone has a present-day secret admirer, that’s what I think! Who could it be?

I agree with SpiritualEssence

Posted by ShyGal47 on 05.11.10 0 comments

First of all I love Chicago Soul Exchange. Maven, you are my favorite past life dealer by far, for your honesty and forthwithness.

But today I actually have to pipe up and side with SpiritualEssence.

I bought my past, who was a potter, well actually brickmaker, ceramicist, in November and in February I noticed that my mug I got at the souvenir shop at the Ten Tenors show in Branson that had gotten cracked when the parrot pushed it off the tea table was completely repaired and no crack!

It took me a long time to figure out that it must have been my potter, a stately Tunisian gentleman, who fixed my Tenors mug.

How I realized it was that when I looked carefully it wasn’t actually the original mug, it was another substitute mug that looked pretty much exactly like the real mug. Who else could have done it? It’s not like elves exist!

Wasn’t that super nice of him????

Traces of my mesopotamian

Posted by user on 05.11.10 1 comment

I’m glad you’re bringing this up. I didn’t want to say anything, but I appended a mesopotamian rural palace slave a while ago and I could swear I have seen cuneiform writing pressed into a pie crust I left out overnight.

<< Speaking of pasts and food . . .
I agree with SpiritualEssence >>

1 Comments

Claudine_Colette
May 12th, 2010 at 23:22

No worries! That just means you have made a good connection. I only append females myself and often detect subtle whiffs of de ja vu in the kitchen.

Speaking of pasts and food . . .

Posted by AmericanIdjit on 05.11.10 0 comments

Interesting about the pie crusts.

I can’t keep a container of Quaker Oats in the house.

There’s a little . . . or sometimes a lot . . . gone each morning. Lid is still on. No gnaw-holes.

My past was a “jolly grain farmer” they said. In oats country, Northern Europe; I googled it.

Coincidence?

Settle down everyone

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.11.10 0 comments

Folks?

Let’s not go overboard here.

Physical contact with your pasts just doesn’t happen. Period. End of story.

ON ANOTHER TOPIC (please?)
Chad is about to post some more good ones in the catalog, I hear.

Ancient Rome! Finally!

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.11.10 0 comments

Friends, I am so excited about what Chad has brought back this time!

Look in the catalog right now and see: we actually have a gentleman who was alive in or around Rome during the Classical period!!!

These new ones are going fast, so don’t delay.

No fool around; “Witness to History” go to Vlad

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.11.10 0 comments

PastLifeMaven, if that you real name.

No fool around your friend Vlad this time.

OK, OK, you play hard-get. You win! Vlad lose! Vlad pay you $1,800 you ChadBonneur “Witness to History” Roman gnentleman, cash American dollar direct deposit no bounce guaranteed no problem. Want cash? No problem! You want pint Ben Jerry ice cream on top? No problem!

Vlad aim to please you; you aim to please Vlad.

You want I give you service contract 5 years only $19.95/year, $12.50/year if you pay advance; plus I am Nigerian King and give you 10 percent $2M! Just kid!

But you no kid! You no fool around Vlad this time!

Past o’ my dreams?

Posted by gentler_ben on 05.11.10 0 comments

Weird thing. Twice in the last week I dreamed about gardening. Picking weeds and stuff. And I never remember my dreams. And I never garden.

Missing some?

Posted by Bagwan on 05.11.10 0 comments

What’s the deal gentler_ben? Is your garden missing some roses? ; )

SVA (Sudden Vegetable Awareness)

Posted by gentler_ben on 05.11.10 0 comments

Hardy har, Bagwan. Truth is, not sure I’d know a rose if it pricked me. Lettuce and carrots when I see them in the grocery store, those I know and that’s about it for me a horticulture. So I dream about working in a garden? Twice? In a week? Here’s what I should have mentioned: My Past was some sort of agricultural drone in Turkey. I don’t know what to make of it, really. It’s just weird, like I said.

I believe you, Spirit!

Posted by HappyLady312 on 05.11.10 0 comments

I believe you, SprititualEssence. And I think it’s beautiful. It’s just so romantic. What color was the rose?

Blood Red

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.11.10 0 comments

Sir Swidhelm’s rose was blood red, Happy Lady!

Swap?

Posted by Melanie on 05.11.10 1 comment

I appended a sweet servant girl from Angkor Wat. I love her, but I want a boy for my Past. Anybody wanna trade? Can we?

<< Try Vlad patience? Not reccomend!
Blood Red >>

1 Comments

Jerrick
May 12th, 2010 at 10:32

Ooooooo, can we? I totally, DEFINATELY wanna trade! I have a Chinese swineheard. Very youthfull! Mint condition! I bought him on consignment — I was told he belonged to Cameron Diaz! Can u STAND it? I just have to figure out how we un- and re-append. I can’t get the #&$^% FAQ page to come up. Can u?

Try Vlad patience? Not reccomend!

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.11.10 0 comments

Dear PastLiveMaven no spaces in name.

OK, hahaha, you freeze Vlad. You no answer. We all laugh so funny.

But now funny time over done finished. $1,800 american direct deposit final final offer.

You sell me “witness to histroy” roman gentleman, now!

D0n make me take out my glockenspiel on you new-age beehind!

Vlad? Scram!

Posted by AmericanIdjit on 05.11.10 1 comment

Dear VladTheWholesaler,

Number One: Your style is crude and disrespectful and has no place on a hardworking legitimate business site like this.

Number 2: The price for the Roman gentleman is now up to $3,000

Number 3: You loose, sucka!

<< Could Sir S’s rose have been a diff. color?
Try Vlad patience? Not reccomend! >>

1 Comments

VladTheWholesaler
May 11th, 2010 at 22:06

Dear AmernianDidgit,
Very funny, little man! here what happens next: Vlad come to your house, Vlad pull your intenstines over your head, Vlad prenate your wife, Vlad poop in your hat. Stay out of grown-up business. Time for bed-bye.

Could Sir S’s rose have been a diff. color?

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.11.10 0 comments

SpiritualEssence … don’t mean to slap you in the alley here … but … Roses of that shade (blood red) were NOT cultivated in Swidhelm’s day. Yellow or white, possibly cream towards pink. But red, no. Check with a historiculturalist (historical horticulturalist). I can recommend a good one at the U of MN or at Bennington College in Vermont.

Why did it appear red? Good question. Love is (color) blind?! Why did it appear at all? Answer: it didn’t. But just because you imagined it doesn’t mean it could have been red, because it couldn’t have. If you saw a rose (which you did NOT) it would have been cream or yellow.

Note to all who’ve found coffee mugs, roses, etc. and other PHYSICAL, MATERIAL objects or evidence from other past lives. Sometimes the mind plays tricks! Just focus on what you have. Don’t hope for trinkets, because you have so much more.

HELP! Newbie in Distress!

Posted by gifted67 on 05.12.10 9 comments

I got a 19th century cotton mill worker for my birthday (she died of fluff) but I thought this was just a lame-oh deal like “A Star Has Been Named For You” or something! Now people are talking about roses and missing oatmeal! What’s “append?” How do I do that? Why didn’t I get instructions?!?!?!?!?!?! It sounds COOL.

<< Another newbie question
Could Sir S’s rose have been a diff. color? >>

9 Comments

PastLifeMaven
May 12th, 2010 at 19:39

Hi Gifted67,
Check the FAQ for questions like yours and all will become clear. Just go to “about us” and click on “FAQ” and it should come right up. If it doesn’t, you might be doing something wrong so keep trying.
BTW it IS cool! Except, ignore all those posts about getting presents or having food stolen (or WHATEVER) by past lives. We want those things to happen so badly that we imagine them (or so I’ve heard). You can achieve completion and repletion, but not have physical contact with your past life/v/s. But hey, who needs a coffee mug if you have repletion?

gifted67
May 12th, 2010 at 19:50

I have some questions about this whole thing. What happens to souls that haven’t been appended? are they floating in space or what? what if I can’t afford these expensive souls? are there cheaper ones somewhere? ebay? craig’s list?

PastLifeMaven
May 12th, 2010 at 20:05

Gifted67,
I stronglycaution you against buying souls on craigslist. Ebay doesn’t allow it (something to do with Microsoft owning rights to soul-appending software) so don’t bother looking there, although Amazon has some pretty good deals on past-life how-to. Top of my list: Ashley River-Dram’s Appending For Dummies and the Foxfire series on past lives.
But anyway! Shopping for a boyfriend or a used sofa on craigslist is scary enough, but a past life is a much weightier mistake, when you get a bad one. CSE is about quality, because we’re small and service-oriented and we KNOW our customers. Random sellers on craigslist cannot make this claim. It’s up to you, but …
Bottom line: you get what you pay for!

GigaNano
May 12th, 2010 at 21:54

My uncle is a past-life addict; he has hoarded so many souls that they fill three mini-warehouses. Are there any twelve-step programs available that can help him?

newuser
May 12th, 2010 at 20:17

A 19th Century mill worker? Really? And what’s with all these agricultural workers? Where’s the good souls? I’m holding out for Nefertiti or Kublai Khan or Ethelred the Unready or Cleopatra’s favorite cat, Chevette.

PastLifeMaven
May 12th, 2010 at 20:35

Newuser,
Check the FAQ!

gentler_ben
May 12th, 2010 at 21:05

Please look at what you’re saying, newuser. The “good souls”? I don’t know how you put value on poeple’s souls. Do you think the soul of a dead Egyptian potentate is purer and more worthy than the soul of a humble worker? My Past is, by your reckoning, a nobody. But I’m fully replete.

Pragmantis
May 12th, 2010 at 21:38

Ben, you are so right!
It is so clear that our society makes TONS of value judgments on past lives. . . whole past cultures even. Everybody’s heard of the Egyptians, but who’s heard about the Ntculac of Fre-E-ma, where my past is from. Ntculac’s are incredibly sophisticated, funny, warm, mature sophisticated people who raise their children in an atmosphere of such kindness as to make an American of my generation (the next-to-greatest generation, born ’54) cry. But how do my friends react to my Ntculac past? Even my friends who they, themselves, have past lives? The ridicule me and and my new history! They call me “Schmuzziks,” which is a garbling of my past’s name and title “Shutr-n-m’segs.” They grimace and cavort like vaudeville savages! The judgers and mockers abound, my friend! We have to not let them get us down! When we stand before St. Peter and are replete, gentler_ben, who will have the last laugh?

newuser
May 12th, 2010 at 21:31

Is there a way of finding out if their vegan. thats improtant to me.

Another newbie question

Posted by HappyLady312 on 05.12.10 2 comments

I searched the archives but there’s nothing there before this week. I’m sorry if someone’s asked this question.

I’m so enchanted with SpiritualEssence’s story. Her knight! Her rose!

I want a past life, too. I hate to sound like a baby, but does it hurt when you append your past life?

<< LOOKING TO FILL A GAP
HELP! Newbie in Distress! >>

2 Comments

phillip
May 12th, 2010 at 20:45

What FAQ? I don’t see one. And I want to know the same thing as Happy and gifted. What does it realy mean to “append.” Does it hurt? Is is dangerous? I think it sounds cool but a little scary.

herstorybuff
May 12th, 2010 at 22:09

It doesn’t hurt, happylady & phil! It’s like when the sun pours in like butterscotch and sticks to all your senses. So. Much. Like. That.

LOOKING TO FILL A GAP

Posted by Claudine_Colette on 05.12.10 3 comments

I am new to CSE, but pretty experienced at Past Appending. Most of my collecting is via a private dealership in Eastern Europe. I did pick up some souls at Past Life Depot before they shut down for good. I am still LOOKING TO FILL A GAP in my collection… between 1398 and 1234. I could fill it with two very long pasts, three medium pasts, or a mix of short and medium length pasts. ( Adults only, no child souls) I prefer female pasts, from Europe. I don’t see any birth-death dates in your catalogue. What’s up with that? This service could be much more collector-friendly. Please let me know if you want to sell a Past that passed on January 12, 1398.

<< The Truth of Swidhelm’s Love Shines Bright
Another newbie question >>

3 Comments

Pragmantis
May 12th, 2010 at 22:19

Claudine, hi!
I’m intrigued what I’m detecting as your buying strategy — a date-based chain of some kind — but I have to say I don’t quite understand it. It makes me think I[‘m missing something exciting about all this. What is your goal?

Claudine_Colette
May 12th, 2010 at 22:23

I have known ever since I first held a copy of Cheri by Colette in 1974 (a used bookstore in Madison Wisconsin) … that SHE MUST BE my past life. You see, I was BORN Aug 3 1954, the day she DIED. My favorite movie as a girl was GiGi, little did I know the connection… But it wasn’t until 2004 that I discovered the market for pastlives on the internet . . Since then I have been piecing together the chain of other lives that lead to Colette and then to ME. For the last six years I’ve been working to build a complete collection ( Well, as complete as I can get IN THIS LIFETIME)… working backwards from Colette.
I have already appended many lives that cover the years stretching back to the 14th century. But now I seem to be hitting some trouble finding a past that matches a death date of 1398… Why are there so few available in that period? Is that because so many were wiped out by the black death? Wouldn’t that create MORE supply from that era? I’m confused + frustrated!

PastLifeMaven
May 13th, 2010 at 00:29

C_C,
Check out the CSE catalog and you will be less confused/frustrated. We have so many past lives covering so many eras, and we’re always adding more (thanks Chad!!!).
I know, I know … you may not be able to get the exact dates you’re looking for. But REMEMBER that most people in previous eras did not use exact calendar dates for their births/deaths/significant moments either. They simply lived and died. It was only in the late 1670′s that the calendar and date system we now use, was used widely or even narrowly.
So, if you want a past life who died “in 1398″ that could easily mean any past life between 1200 and 1500, because of the variability of the dating and date-tracking system of the time. Good news for your collection, yes?

The Truth of Swidhelm’s Love Shines Bright

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.12.10 14 comments

SpiritualEssence is dismayed at how what once seemed like such a supportive community here at CSE has turned on her like a pack of ravens.

SpiritualEssence draws herself to her full height and breadth and from the most powerful promentory proclaims:

If you haven’t appended a quality soul — like my dear past life the Knight Swidhelm — then you don’t know wherefrom you speak! The experience releases floods of sublimity and hormones that make up for all the invitations you didn’t get; and all the first dates who backed away; and all the siblings more popular and successful than you; and all the outside people who got the manager’s position even though you’ve been there for 12 years and practically singlehandedly built the whole department.

A past life like Sir Swidhelm understands your proclivities and flare-ups, your “odd” favorite shows and your pungent comfort foods. He understands that some tops and skirts may be considered “out of fashion” but they best suit your build and come in colors that they just don’t make any more.

How does SpiritualEssence know Swidhelm sees her, all of her, the real her?

Because Sir Swidhelm has begun, starting around noon today, to communicate these things to her directly. It is incredibly exciting.

She dares to say it: Sir Swidhelm loves her. And she loves Sir Swidhelm.

She longs to run her fingers through his medieval hair.

And with him in-/be-side her, there is nothing she cannot accomplish.

<< Tired of the same old thing
LOOKING TO FILL A GAP >>

14 Comments

Quincy
May 12th, 2010 at 23:03

Ewwwwwwwwww! This is So Wrong in each imaginable way! Falling in love with your past life! It breaks every law of man and god. I’m sitting here writhing like trying to get a hair off my tongue. I have to go take a long shower with Fels Naptha soap!

eleanor
May 13th, 2010 at 08:49

Spirit, you are my heroine! I read your entry and burst into tears in my cube! This is the experience I want. You must be experiencing Fullerfillment. for real. I’m not going to do any more work today. I’m just going to keep refreshing the catalog pages and waiting for the next ChadBonneur soul to come up and I’m going to buy it whatever much it costs.

Judy True
May 13th, 2010 at 09:42

SpiritualEssence, say!
How did you make contact with your Swithdelm? Did you like talk to him outloud? I’ve always thought that my past is probably very attractive but I thought it was creepy to think like that, but now you’re inspiring me to think like that. I’m lucky that I’m a girl who got a guy past life like you! How did you know your contact with him was for real and not just like talking to a celebrity acting like your pillow?
Thanks!

anglophreak11
May 13th, 2010 at 11:45

Hang on, mates! I appended a Victorian coachman yesterday, and when I went out to the driveway this morning THERE HE WAS, huddled next to the driver-side door of my Dodge Caravan and just weeping his eyes out! I had to fix him a Horlicks to calm him down. He’s in the breakfast nook havin’ a butcher’s at my old Drivers Ed manual at the mo. I’m chuffed! Is this not happening with everyone?

doomedtorepeat24
May 13th, 2010 at 11:55

Unfair! I appended a 13th century Chinese farmer – so where’s he at?! How’d you append, SpiritualEssence? I thought it worked like Magic Eye…?! I stared at my Provenance Composite till it went blurry and then — “pop!” Right?! But my Past hasn’t gotten PHYSICAL. I’ve just developed a keener appreciation of rice. Fine, but I could use some help in my veggie garden…!

PastLifeMaven
May 13th, 2010 at 12:07

People! Let’s get a grip, shall we? How many times must I tell you that you cannot make physical contact with your past life/v/s!!! This is how rumors get started and this is how those cheap-o past life dealers are able to prey on trusting customers like you. Don’t listen! FullerfillmentTM is so much better than any physical contact, real or imagined (and believe me, it’s imagined) could be.
You have enough. You have more than enough. Don’t delude yourself into wanting something that you cannot have.

quantumleper6
May 13th, 2010 at 12:49

Holy sh!t! Did you buy some sort of premium Past package? How much xtra does it cost?!

bodiceripper69
May 13th, 2010 at 13:52

Maven, WTfreakin’F? The coachman and the knight – did they come from the same wholesaler? Which one? I want a piece of that!

Claudine_Colette
May 13th, 2010 at 15:54

I have never heard of anything like this… I mean, I’ve collected and appended plenty… but I’ve never ever INTERACTED with one of my pasts. Things work really differently on Chi Soul Xchange. Are you sure you’re licensed for this?

gifted67
May 13th, 2010 at 16:31

Ohmigod ohmigod ohmiGOD! I figured out how to append my 19th century cotton mill worker! She says her name is RUTH! And it felt like the first time you ever heard Rubber Soul and you’re wrapped in a down comforter with a cup of the best-ever cocoa in your hands but never mind that! SpiritualEssence, I believe you! Because the moment I’d finished appending and I opened my eyes, there on the floor next to my feet was a Q-TIP! A COTTON Q-tip! And before you say anything, Maven, that DOES prove something, because I keep my Q-tips in the BATHROOM and I was in my LIVING ROOM when I appended, and there is NO WAY it could have gotten from one place to the other without Ruth moving it as a way of saying hello to me! I just KNOW that we’re gonna be close like sisters! I’m CRYING but it’s HAPPY CRYING!

gentler_ben
May 13th, 2010 at 22:09

Let’s all be accepting but rational. Please. To PastLifeMaven: For your own sake, I wish you would reconsider your condescending and dismissive tone. This is bigger than you are, Maven. Something wonderful is happening here. But let’s not get carried away, my friends. Not every little flutter of the drapes is a message from your Past. Like I said. Accepting, but rational.

timmy
May 13th, 2010 at 22:18

you people are nuckin’ futs. everyone one of you.

Kay-at-Home-Mom
May 14th, 2010 at 00:07

Well, I for one am a believer. I paid for Agricultural Worker “Consistent” a few days ago, thinking he might be a welcome Father’s Day gift. My yard has never looked better. Keep the faith everyone.

technot55
May 14th, 2010 at 11:51

are there any recently dead souls with computer skills available?

Tired of the same old thing

Posted by BardoBard on 05.13.10 1 comment

Anyone got something besides homo sapiens sapiens? Let me get right to the point – I’m looking for homo sapiens neanderthalensis. I’ve had it with the Cro Magnon crowd. My last HSS was Ken Lay, just another asshole in a long line of past life HSS assholes I’ve had to put up with. How do you like this lineup? – Warren G. Harding (me); Andrew (Ol’ Genocide) Jackson (me); Savonarola (me, again); Tamerlane (guess who?). I am SO FUCKING TIRED of being a pushy, violent, hyper-agressive Type A alpha-male overachiever, and I’m not kidding. All I want is 25 or 30 years of a short, brutish, and nasty life shivering in a rock shelter all winter, grazing for buttercups and crayfish on sunny summer days, and psychically communing with the Great Mother in my spare time. I’m offering three shiny pebbles and an antelope-bone nose ornament.

<< Vlad buy chicagosoulexchange; end of discussion
The Truth of Swidhelm’s Love Shines Bright >>

1 Comments

celtics fan
May 13th, 2010 at 18:27

***ILoveCats!
Submitted on 2010/05/13 at 5:58 pm
Sorry, I was at my English class. But can you buy and apend a cat? There are so many of them. Theyve got be cheeper. Do past lives that are kids get older or stay young, y know, once their inside you?
Sorry, I was at my English class. But can you buy and apend a cat? There are so many of them. Theyve got be cheeper. Do past lives that are kids get older or stay young, y know, once their inside you?
***PastLifeMaven
Submitted on 2010/05/13 at 3:02 pm
Dear ILoveCats,
A point of order here … please try to write in somewhat standard English, not Txtglish. You’ll have a better change of connecting with CSE community folks and of getting what you’re looking for.
Good luck!
ILoveCats, A point of order here … please try to write in somewhat standard English, not Txtglish. You’ll have a better change of connecting with CSE community folks and of getting what you’re looking for. Good luck!
***ILoveCats!
Submitted on 2010/05/13 at 2:24 pm
Bn wond abt alt to reg past lives. I lk cats bet thn people. Cats R mr plentfl & mt B cheaper thn hums, right? Cn I append anthr species? Cats R Peeps 2!!!!!!!
Bn wond abt alt to reg past lives. I lk cats bet thn people. Cats R mr plentfl & mt B cheaper thn hums, right? Cn I append anthr species? Cats R Peeps 2!!!!!!!
***trader4
Submitted on 2010/05/13 at 8:55 am
do you have a picture of the nose ornament you offer? I could be interested
do you have a picture of the nose ornament you offer? I could be interested
***LawReviewLucile
Submitted on 2010/05/13 at 8:06 am
These names are SO famous that they’re virtually assured to be fraudulent. Bardobard undoubtedly got his pocket picked by one of the many fly-by-night soul shops out there. Bardobard, all you have is a handful of the billions of just plain everyday angry males flooding the market.
These names are SO famous that they’re virtually assured to be fraudulent. Bardobard undoubtedly got his pocket picked by one of the many fly-by-night soul shops out there. Bardobard, all you have is a handful of the billions of just plain everyday angry males flooding the market.
***CelticsFan
Submitted on 2010/05/13 at 7:58 am
Bardobard,
Wow! I am so impressed at the big names you got! Who was your dealer? Could I get 17th President Andrew Johnson — a lifetime dream — who was a really underappreciated guy?

Vlad buy chicagosoulexchange; end of discussion

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.13.10 0 comments

Dear PastLife-Maven,

OK, backstory: Vlad try buy soul-by-soul ChadBonner quality souls direct business to business at surplus price. You say no. You flip Vlad bird. Haha.

You good! Vlad admit! You make Vlad think. And that not normal. That good. very good.

Not only Vlad think, Vlad get his mobile and he call friends powerful friends with deep pocket.

Here what happens now: Vlad put together $189,000 american chashier check real money no fool no bounce payable PastLifeMaven.

Next — you sell chicago soul Exchange to Vlad total price above, hand over keys. Vlad has exclusive ChadBonneur contract perpituity. You retire nice place Florida, no business woryy, pina colada all day poolboy rub your feet.

Just so you know — this not a question, this not a option, this a Fact. Done deal. Powerful friends now count on having chicago soul exchange in his business portfolio.

You do NOT want to make mad Vlad! Even more NOT make mad powerful friends!

I send paperwork, you sign, done deal.

At your service,

Check the Catalog for new ChadBonneur Treasures

Posted by ChadBonneur on 05.13.10 6 comments

Hey, everyone!

Just about to process and post some delectable souls to the catalog that I think will tickle your palettes!

Mr. Vlad, I don’t think you realize who you’re dealing with here; PastLifeMaven is a force of freakin’ nature. I pity you!

And, by the way Vlad, ChadBonneur is a free bird. I sell when and where and to who I want.

<< Vlad: Begone. Now it’s the end of the discussion!
Vlad buy chicagosoulexchange; end of discussion >>

6 Comments

NiceDivorcedGuy
May 13th, 2010 at 13:27

Wow! All of a sudden good lives are $9,000.00?! What happened to “At Reasonable Prices?” I guess the Big Earners get all the good stuff in life once again.

Yeah! How did necessities become luxuries.

PastLifeMaven

May 13th, 2010 at 15:31

Guys and Gals,

CSE stock is reasonably and ACCURATELY priced. Meaning? You get what you pay for. It’s all quality but some things just cost more. Like a Mercedes costs more than a Chevette, and lobster costs more than Starkist Tuna. Doesn’t mean you can’t make a great sandwich with what you have available.

Claudine_Colette

May 13th, 2010 at 15:47

Can I use the half-off coupon I got when I joined?

PastLifeMaven

May 13th, 2010 at 16:09

C_C,

Coupons aren’t valid for SignatureSouls. But you can use it for any of our other stock!

luvmama

May 13th, 2010 at 20:42

pastlifemaven, I hope you don’t get swallowed by those big fish that are snapping at your heels or whatever. you’re awesome! hang in there! are you going to have a sale like last year?

Vlad: Begone. Now it’s the end of the discussion!

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.13.10 0 comments

Vlad, this isn’t some condo I bought with a high-risk mortgage and now I’m trying to unload it because I found out that there is a colony of termites living in the linen closet. CSE is MY LIFE. It is my work, yes, but it is also a part of me. For you to suggest that I can be bought for a dollar amount is insulting. Even for you, this is especially crass and abusive. $189,000? Seriously? Pathetic.

Swidhelm? Where Are You?

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.13.10 0 comments

SpiritualEssence has been walking on waves all afternoon.
She did not go in to work today. She did not take any heed of the haters in the comments.
Instead she has been bolsted by the charmeraderie of her new online friends like Gifted67 and Eleanor who know the truth of the matter and support Love and Interconnection of Past and Present.
All the matter that matters is the love bond growing moment by moment among SpiritualEssence and her Knight Swidhelm. SpiritualEssence hears rustlings in the rooms she’s not in — now here! now there!; she detects bristlings like a manly beard on her sleeve — she reaches! nothing there!; she scents soft gragrances of British wildflowers and exotic perfumes brought back from the Crusades; she feels the stout stirrings that accompany the reality of love, not just its emptyhearted longing!
She feels literally like if she could turn around fast enough she’d see him! It’s kind of freaking her out. With rapture and repletion!
Swidhelm m’love! Where are you? Where are you?

Your Funeral PastLifeMaven, Bye Bye

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.13.10 0 comments

Dear PastLifeMaven,

At very moment now my associates on there way to visit you we know where you live. GFE! Google Fucking Exist! I look you address up on internet now big man with tattoo need to wave gun in you face convince you give your silly company to Vlad!

Wait? What Vlad said? Vlad said “sell”?

No, Vlad said “give!”

Tsk, tsk! All this could been avoided you just listen Vlad in first place!

At your service,

Here what happens now: We wave gun, we get passwords to your web-store, you no get check, no american dollars, do not pas go, you get funny with Vlad you lost no money bye-bye.

Update for the CSE Community: Contact is Real! Swidhelm is in her breakfast nook

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.13.10 8 comments

OK. The past life SpiritualEssence bought, Swidhelm has been here a little over three hours and it’s been very very very intense.

But Sp[iritualEssence just needs to give you a quick update in case more of the new ChadBonneur souls start making contact like mine did.

Where do I start?

He’s very short.

And he’s very mad.

There’s a kind of a language barrier and SpiritulEssence spent a long trime trying to just explain to him what is happening with him. Then he understood, and, well he’s fit to be tied. He keeps calling it words that in her big dictionary basically mean “slave” or “prisoner.” At the same time, his hands are all over her. Talk about conflicting feelings!

He took one look out her apartment window (12th floor) and shrieked and since then has stayed well away from the outside walls and door, so she don’t think she’s in danger of him running off anywhere.

SpiritualEssence will keep you updated.

<< Letter to Vlad “The Wholesaler” a.k.a “Voloshenka” Lvovich Ilyashin
Your Funeral PastLifeMaven, Bye Bye >>

8 Comments

Rachel_looking
May 13th, 2010 at 19:11

SpiritualEssence you are AWESOME!!!! You go for it! Tell us everything. Three friends and I are going to pool our money and go shares on a good ChadBonneur and split him up. Romance lives!

CPRtrainer
May 13th, 2010 at 19:16

Rachel are you delusional? This woman is suffering a mental breakdown. She’s got some poor homeless guy trapped in her apartment and I fear for both of their lives. PastLifeMaven, can you contact SpiritualEssance? Maybe send 911 over to make sure she’s oik?

luvmama
May 13th, 2010 at 20:52

CPRtrainer, shouldn’t you be trying to get someone’s heart to beat again instead of trying to stop two hearts from beating as one?

luvmama
May 13th, 2010 at 20:53

And I think you know what I mean.

CPRtrainer
May 13th, 2010 at 22:25

For real, Maven. This is a liability issue. You have to do something. Someone could get hurt.

scrapbooker
May 13th, 2010 at 22:27

I absolutley LOVE this sight!!!

PastLifeMaven
May 13th, 2010 at 23:45

Oh, fuck me.

Kay-at-Home-Mom
May 13th, 2010 at 23:55

I recommend music. Something that’s not too contemporary. Maybe light some candles. If you relax, he’ll relax… (Don’t pay any attention to Maven, she’s just jealous.)

Letter to Vlad “The Wholesaler” a.k.a “Voloshenka” Lvovich Ilyashin

Posted by Barrington on 05.14.10 0 comments

Dear Mr. Ilyashin,

You are a somewhat difficult man to get in touch with. But it is not impossible.

You are undeoubtedly reading this on your iPhone. How do we know this? We know a great deal about you, Mr. Ilyashin.

Look behind you right now. Passenger seat of the Black Ford Escalade. I will wave. That is me.

My name is Barrington and I work for Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group, and it has come to the attention of a U.S. immigration law expert in our employ that there are several irregularities with your paperwork.

To avoid an unpleasant conversation with the Unite States Customs and Immigration officer currently seated behind me, you are enjoined to call your associates who are on the way to visit they owner of Chicago Soul Exchange and tell them to stop their mission.

I want to see that phone to your ear. Now.

You are, from this moment on, never to have any communication with anyone associated with Chicago Soul Exchange or to participate in any way in the trade in souls of the formerly living.

Do you understand, Mr. Ilyashin.?

Sincerely Yours,

N. Michael Barrington

CLCIG
Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group

2:00 a.m. Swidhelm update; people are complicated

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.14.10 0 comments

SpiritualEssence thanks you supporters SO MUCH for your support! It is meaning so much to her during this tryintersesting time in her life.

Swidhelm is playing with silverware so Spirit has a few moments for a quick report in no particular order

1) In Swidhelm’s world people must have acted out physically on their impulses a lot more; he moves like a 120 lb. preschooler. Many objects are broken already.

2) His knightess, hood, being a knight was more of a ceremonial thing; vasically if there ever was a war, which there wasn’t, he would have ridden into battle.

3) Maven, there are so many things SpiritulEssence doesn’t understand; the basics; is he dead? He’s warm to the touch. He processes fluids.

4) He is big into pigs. She means, truly, big-time into pigs, breeding and bloodlines and swapping with neighbors and competitons at the county fair. On and on he is able to tell her about his pigs.

5) He does have a hearty laugh; it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking about.

6) He says s a green beer bottle is the most beautiful object he’s ever seen.

7) She knows this is what so many of you are interested in, he IS amorous . . . in a kind of biological way, like jumping at a loud noise.

9) He has incredible prejudices about the people who live over the hill, basically about two miles from his village. He goes on and on about them as well, how evil they are, some kind of multi-generational lawsuit. Pigs, people over the hill, back to pigs.

Oh, SpiritualEssence, don’t lose heart! She is fighting a horrible feeling of disappointment. Poeple are complicated. Stick with him, Spirit! It will all work out.

Don’t Turn Bad on Chad

Posted by ChadBonneur on 05.14.10 0 comments

Dear Chicago Soul Exchange Community,

Hey everybody . . . let’s just chillax!

I have been getting a lot of backchannel heat for adjusting my pricing scheme to reflect I guess what you’d call the New Economic Realities of the past life business.

“Gouging?” “Profiteering?” Really? Ouch!

Those of you who’ve been around here know that I am totally not in this originally for the money. I’m just your typical Political Science/Landscape Architecture dropout with a knack for the past trying to earn a few samoleans and do a lot of international travel.

Yeah I hit a lucky streak and turned up some quality merch. No, I’m not going to tell you where and how. Yeah, like every businessdude I price at what the market will bear and this time the market is bearing passionfruit. The deregulated past life industry is a young industry and who knows what fair pricing is yet?

And I don’t want to start on a long chew, but let me just remind you that there is a considerable amount of risk and “discomfort” to put it mildly on the harvesting end. If you think you can do it, try it. That’s all I’ll say. (zipping lips)

Be calm everyone.

ChadBonneur

Better, better, better! 5:00 a.m. Swidhelm update

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.14.10 0 comments

OK, wow. Some things are just more important than others!

SpiritualEssence and Swidhelm stopped talking. He took her hand in his. He lead her from the livig room to her chamber . . .

The camera turns away to look out across the twinkling lights of the city.

He’s snoring heartily now. OK, so She is a vegetarian and pigs and pork are His hobby. OK so she agreed in principle to spend her own money to hire attorneys to work on a British lawsuit over 1,000 years old.

But doesn’t everyone make these kind of compromises? Isn’t that what love is? Yes athat is what love is. And love is repleting! Swidhelm and SpiritualEssence are one. Totally, utterly, wonderfully repleting!

She must run and get bacon for surprise breakfast from the Quicky Mart.

I Take it All Back! I Believe! Swidhelm’s Wife is Here

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.14.10 1 comment

You’re right about everything, SpiritualEssence!

Especially about them being angry. Holy [bleeep]! I’m getting out of the shower and I hear crashing and banging in the other room, and there she is, this little fireplug of a gal, madder than a wet hen!

I got her slowed down a little bit and now I can understand her a little better. She’s sharp, I gotta say. She gets it that I can pass a message to her hubby on here so here goes. Spirit, make sure to tell Swidhelm. Her rant goes a little like this here:

Swidhelm, it is I, Breguswidth. Your wife, Breguswidth? Bound to you indissolubly in the eyes of God at the age of twelve? It seems that even Death has not parted us, Swidhelm, and I am called to your side across the trackless wastes of time, space, indifference and infidelity. Called to this hell of emptiness and greed. Come away from this place, husband. It is embarrassing.

OK, I’m putting in everything she said that I can remember, even though the reference to my apartment (“this hell . . . etc.”) is unflattering. The cleaning lady comes this afternoon, so it’s been two full weeks, so give me a break!

ps SpiritualEssence, I am super-sorry for some of the things I said. When I get caught up I’ll go back and delete them. I hope we’re still friends. It’s just the stress of all this. But the important thing is, I believe you! Too weird though! It is a COMPLETE paradigm shift for me, but I can’t argue with the thrashing, somewhat nasal presence of Breguswith. She’s more real than I am. When I get more sleep I’ll tell you what that means.

<< Vlad apologize
Better, better, better! 5:00 a.m. Swidhelm update >>

1 Comments

GottaLottaLives
May 14th, 2010 at 13:15

This is the best news I’ve had in a month of Sundays. I have several times been convinced that my past lives were flat-out right in the room. I kept it to myself like a good girl because I didn’t want to be impolite. But now it appears that Maven herself is convinced, so let the buying commence, y’all. This is the time to stock up. I’ve got some cute-as-a-button PLs in every size in the catalog, so see you there.

Vlad apologize

Posted by VladTheWholesaler on 05.14.10 1 comment

Dear Everyone,

This hurt me more than hurt you. I apologize. Forced apology, notheless REAL apology.

I lie, I cheat, I steal, I take bite of your yogurt then smooth top of yogurt back to flat then glue lid back on yogurt tub, everything bad I do many times over! Sorry!

YOu now please take all your future past life business to authorized prepresentatives of Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group only. Great company. Poewrful company.

At your service,

<< Swidhelm married? Spirit is crushed
I Take it All Back! I Believe! Swidhelm’s Wife is Here >>

1 Comments

PastLifeMaven
May 14th, 2010 at 11:59

Hey Vlad, a (for once!) positive response here!
Apology accepted, but CONDITIONAL. We really have a lot on our collective plates here, what with discovering that we CAN make contact (understantement of the year …) with past lives and such, so please refrain from anymore attention-vampire posts, and thanks for visiting. Good luck with whatever it is that you undertake! And don’t hesitate to check out our NEW catalog listings … some of those pricey SignatureSoulsTM don’t look so pricey now that we know what we know.

Swidhelm married? Spirit is crushed

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.14.10 2 comments

SpiritualEssence is devastated.

Swidhelm must explain!

<< Later, Gators!
Vlad apologize >>

2 Comments

anglophreak11
May 14th, 2010 at 12:40

Spirit, don’t give up, luv! I have read countless works of historical fiction set in this time period (seriously — I buy them by the wheelbarrowful at library book sales), and marriage had nothing to do with romance or monogomy or anything like that! Not the way it does now! I’m sure he doesn’t love her the way he loves you!

PastLifeMaven
May 14th, 2010 at 12:45

Spirit, when Swidhelm DOES explain, for the love of Goddess PLEASE post an update ASAP. Breguswidth has been rambling on and on in nonstop, compound-complex sentences about Swidhelm, except sometimes she calls him Cynefrid.
Oh NO … now she’s speaking in iambic pentameter.
Soon as you can, Spirit. What’s on the Swidhelm front?!

Later, Gators!

Posted by ChadBonneur on 05.14.10 0 comments

Just so everyone hears it from me and not through blog rumors.
This morning I got a call from a guy called Mike Barrington . . . who in no uncertain terms made me an offer I couldn’t understand.
Except for the number at the bottom which almost gave me a happiness heart attack.
So, after a few hours of initialing and relinquishing, it’s all over but for the legalese:
“All future inquiries pertaining to ChadBonneur SignatureSoulsTM may be referred to the Historical Derivatives Division of Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group.”
Have a good one!

SpiritualEssence, cheer up! More from Swiddie’s Wife

Posted by PastLifeMaven on 05.14.10 1 comment

Dear Chicago Soul Exchange Customers, Especially SpiritualEssence. Swidhelm’s wife Breguswidth is still here.

Here’s the first thing I’ve learned: These dead gals from the middle ages sure can talk!

I probably shouldn’t have made her a cup of coffee. Oh well. But I can talk, too!

Here’s the skinny so far:

Breguswidth’s not offended or disgusted by Swidhelm’s infidelity in this time and place, because of course he was unfaithful in “real” life as well. And that kept him nice and busy while she pursued a hot-sexual, educational, soul-awakening affair with Cynefrid, philosopher/poet.

What’s pissing her off is that now she’s being kept away from the Past in which she and Cynefrid continued blissfully until she was forced to join Swidhelm here and now. “Whither thou goest, I shall follow” and all that garbage, thankyouverymuch GOD. She wants him to get his hairy English arse back where he belongs, chiefly for her own sake.

But Cynefrid is undoubtedly frantic at Breguswidth’s disappearance. That’s the problem. And if she gets back and finds out he’s been comforting himself with the Past of that harlot of a miller’s daughter, there will be hell to pay.

If only she could figure out a way to dissolve the indissoluble or call Cynefrid to her, she’d have no issue whatsoever with Swidhelm staying with Spirit. Seriously. (Can anybody help with this? Google?)

As someone who’s been sleeping with a philosopher poet, she also has issues with the way we all use the terms “past lives” and “souls” interchangeably. Most of the past lives she’s examined in the catalogue cannot possibly have souls worth a grain of salt. They lived and died without ever giving a moment’s thought to their hearts or their hearts’ connections to their minds and spirits. Their souls were never examined, much less awakened like her own. She’s got to be worth six times as much as Swidhelm. For pity’s sake.

Stay tuned. Don’t despair. Shop in the Chicago Soul Exchange store where value abounds!

<< Spirit Revived. Thanks, Maven.
Later, Gators! >>

1 Comments

SweetDivorcedGuy
May 14th, 2010 at 12:58

I second what Breguswidth says about pasts being sensitive to terminology. In an argument with my crippled agricultural worker I let slip the word “Zombie” and I’ve been getting the cold shoulder ever since. My flowerbeds in the front have never looked better, though.

Spirit Revived. Thanks, Maven.

Posted by SpiritualEssence on 05.14.10 1 comment

SpiritualEssence just had to have a good cry.
Now that she’s read Maven’s post with more information from Brgustwith, Swidhelm’s “wife” (she can’t even bear to say the word) she’s feeling better.
At our age, everyone has a past, right?
Swidhelm is not remorseful.
But he is cute. He and SpiritualEssence are on the internet looking at pig farms for sale in rural Pennsylvania. Call her a dreamer. Again.

<< Letter to PastLifeMaven re: Purchase of Your Company
SpiritualEssence, cheer up! More from Swiddie’s Wife >>

1 Comments

BusyMom22
May 14th, 2011 at 01:24

GottaLottaLives
Submitted on 2010/05/14 at 1:24 pm
Spirit honey, get those tears out of your system. If it doesn’t work out with Swid and the hogs, there’s plenty more soulfish in the sea. Oopsie, I mean pastlifefish in the sea.
Spirit honey, get those
tears out of your system. If it doesn’t work out with Swid and the hogs,
there’s plenty more soulfish in the sea. Oopsie, I mean pastlifefish in
the sea.
BusyMom22
Submitted on 2010/05/14 at 1:12 pm
We are rooting for you, Spirit! Follow your dreamz!
We are rooting for you, Spirit! Follow your dreamz!

Letter to PastLifeMaven re: Purchase of Your Company

Posted by Barrington on 05.14.10 3 comments

Dear PastLifeMaven,

Due to to the speed of breaking events in the past 24 hours I have not yet had the opportunity to introduce myself to you properly. Excuse my poor manners.

I am N. Michael Barrington and I reperesent Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group (CLCIG).

As you no doubt have noticed, we have been clearing up certain loose ends that would have complicated our purchase of your company, your entire stock of past lives, your supplier relationships, and your public good will before the end of the business day today. Those impediments are now gone. I’m sure you will find the purchase price we are prepared to offer you more than adequate to make up for the suddenness of our negotiations.

You will receive a call from me in the next two hours on your private line. We have the number.

Sincerely Yours,

N. Michael Barrington

CLCIG
Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group

<< Chicago Soul Exchange Ceases Operations
Spirit Revived. Thanks, Maven. >>

3 Comments

PastLifeMaven
May 14th, 2010 at 13:45

Lame, Caseman. Lame. Even for you. Okay, I put up with your bulk-
Christian-selling nonsense in the catalog even though we have TALKED about that repeaatedly. But this investment group thing is going too far (although it did get Vlad to back off … thanks for that). “N. Michael Barrington”? Really. Really?
I’m just trying to live my life here, and this business has gotten WAY more complicated, as you know. Plus I’m dealing with a semi-English speaking Past-Life-Come-2-LifeTM (pending) in my apartment. “Feisty” doesn’t begin to describe this gal. Neither does “armpit hair.” But it’s my work and I love it … so please stop this Barrington charade. Please.

Vince724Bargain
May 14th, 2010 at 15:49

Dear Mr. Barrington,
Do I see you now to get on a waiting list for an ancient Greek athlete? Or Maven? I can pay $2.000 in advance and another $42.50/month pretty much forever out of my social security. Handsome athlete.Greek. Olympics-winner a plus

Jocelyn
June 20th, 2010 at 08:47

Dear Mr. Barrington,
Do I see you now to get on a waiting list for an ancient Greek athlete? Or Maven? I can pay $2.000 in advance and another $42.50/month pretty much forever out of my social security. Handsome athlete.Greek. Olympics-winner a plus

Chicago Soul Exchange Ceases Operations

Posted by Barrington on 05.14.10 0 comments

Chicago Soul Exchange LLC. has irrevocably ceased trading in past lives as of 5:00 p.m. Central Daylight Time, May 14th, 2010.
Current customers may direct inquiries to the Historical Derivatives Division of Credit Liechtenstein Caribe Investment Group, London/Tokyo/Dubai.